Dates, Pranks and Marauders
by Hillary and Jess
Summary: James and Lily like eachother so they're going to go on their first date. This would be a good thing, but alas for them James' best friend is the mischievous Sirius Black. Gauntlets are thrown; revenge & chaos ensue and Remus and Peter enjoy the fun.
1. Chapter 1 The Invitation

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

Dates, Pranks and Marauders  (previously known as Lily and James' first date, a terribly unoriginal title, we know. This isn't much better but for now it will just have to do.) Chapter I- The Invitation 

            James Potter stared nervously down at his shoes.  He chanced a look over at Lily Evans, who happened to glace up at the same time…damn those brilliant emerald eyes. Why did she always look over just as he looked up?  James noticed Sirius sniggering next to him and shot him a warning glance, making him snigger even more loudly. 

His quill, which had at one point been quite straight, had become a gnarled mass of matted feather in his palm, what with him having fidgeted anxiously and gnawed incessantly on it for the past half hour of History of Magic.  

'Are you going to eat that or can I have it,' Sirius hissed in his ear.  

'What?' James whispered back distractedly, still glancing over at Lily. 

            'Your quill, Jamsie, are you quite finished?'  

James looked slightly puzzled and then replied simply, 'It's not a sugar quill.'  

Sirius grinned wildly, then said in a voice that earned a glare from the monotonous Professor Binns, 'You could've fooled me with the way you've been sucking that thing.  Anything-ahem-particular on you mind just now?'

The back of James neck had taken on the color of an overripe radish, and he seemed to be sweating quite a lot.  Remus noticed that James had to keep pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his sweaty nose.  

'Today we have a very interesting event, Mr. Moony, don't you think?' Sirius began a mock commentary of James peculiar behavior to Remus and little Peter Pettigrew, holding up his quill in the fashion of a muggle microphone.

'Yes, there he goes, making another move, he looks right-left-down-left again.  My that blush was spectacular, and here he goes again- Mr. Wormtail, I think he's going for and- YES Potter scores another eye contact with Lily Evans.  Mr. Potter is having quite a match today, can you tell us more on his stats, Mr. Moony.'

'Sirius, I really don't think this is the time OR the place for that,' Remus replied quietly, 'can't you see James is having enough embarrassment already?  Besides, we're having an exam over this material just next week, and I for one want to take notes-'

            'Nonsense Moony, my friend, this is the very same material we've been covering for the past five years!  Just get out your old notes, I know you have a better filing system than those crazy goblins at Gringotts!'  Sirius seethed in mock rage, then he straightened his tie angrily, picked up his quill and began again, 'So, anyways, like I was saying before my fun was SO rudely interrupted, young Mr. Potter has scored seven eye contacts with Miss Evans in this class alone, Mr. Wormtail, what do you make of this outstanding feat?'

            Peter looked from Sirius to James, then back at Remus, obviously looking for some sort of direction, then said slowly, 'Well I- I think that, well you know we shouldn't talk in class.'  Sirius looked slightly offended, then slapped James heartily on the back.

            'So, old chap, finally going to ask her?'

            'What are you talking about, Sirius? Ask who? What?'

            'You know entirely too well who and what.  Are you deaf, or didn't you hear the commentary?'

            'I really don't know- honestly- what in the world-you're hallucinating…' James began mumbling indistinctly under his breath about Sirius' 'strange' behaviour.  Sirius laughed heartily, and even Remus and Peter chortled appreciatively.    

            Just then, James looked over again at Lily, who looked up from her neat notes and smiled prettily.  James swallowed deeply and turned his head quickly away.  Sirius snorted and then said rather loudly, 'And another score for Pot- oof!" Earning a harsh elbowing in his gut from James.

****

            'So, are you going to ask her or no?" Sirius continued later, as they walked to lunch, still massaging his sore, thanks to James, ribs.

            "Well, I just don't- you know that I want- well…" James seemed to have developed an abnormal speech impediment whenever the subject of conversation turned to Lily.

            "I reckon you're going to pieces over this girl, Prongs.  Perhaps you just want me to ask her for you?" Sirius said.

            "NO! Anything but that.  I want you to say NOTHING to her.  In fact I don't think that you should come to lunch.  Perhaps you have some unfinished homework back in the library that you really need to do immediately."  James said, the volume of his voice increasing threateningly.

            "So, are you going to ask her or no?" Sirius continued as though he hadn't heard a word.  

            "Well," said James, apparently also forgetting his previous tirade, "I suppose I could always write her a note…"

            "A NOTE!"  Sirius exclaimed, looking scandalised and outraged at the very idea.  "You can't simply write a NOTE!  That's preposterous!  You'd come out of that looking like an even bigger prat than you already are!  Are you right in the head?" Sirius asked conspiratorially.  

            "In fact," James resumed his previous vein, "I think that you DO have something that you really must attend to right now, and that you can't make it to lunch.  Don't you agree Remus?"

            "You know, Sirius, James does have a point.  Besides, you've never even been to the library before. Won't it be a nice change of scenery?"  Remus asked with a wry grin.

            "Fine.  I KNOW when I'm not wanted.  It seems that you all don't want me to stick around for the fun.  I think I WILL pay a little visit to Madam Pince.  But mark my words," Sirius said, suddenly trying to look dark and sinister, "you'll get it when you least expect it."

            With that having been said, he spun on his heel and strode off purposefully.  

            "Now, what do you suppose he meant by that?"  Peter asked thoughtfully.  

            "Empty threat," muttered James, now approaching the door to the great hall, 

turning to the task at hand.

            "You know, you could always just go and ask her to her face," Remus, always the voice of reason, commented wisely, "She'd respect you more for that." 

            "To her face…hmmm…crazy enough- it just might work… well when would I do it, though?"  James said, still seeming quite preoccupied with…something.  Remus rolled his eyes at seeing his usually down to earth friend going crazy over some girl.

            "You could even ask her now…at lunch…in just a few minutes."  

            "At lunch?!  How romantic would that be?  Sure, I'll just waltz in there, set down next to her, and say 'Hiya Lily, want to go on a date with me this weekend, pass the spotted dick, would you?'  Yeah.  That'll work great."  Laughter began to spill from Remus' mouth, as he tried to keep his face serious for the benefit of his friend, and Peter began to grin in a bemused sort of way.

            "James," Remus started, "don't be so melodramatic.  You like her, she likes you, you both like each other, you both stare at each other in every bloody class.  Ask the girl out."   James rubbed the back of his neck, shot Remus a searching look, and then strode into the hall. 

****

            Lily had already begun eating when a girl in her year, Rebecca Duffy, plopped down next to her and whispered urgently, "D'you know what Marsha Higgins just told me she overheard Remus Lupin telling _James_?"

            "No, what?"  Lily replied, slightly puzzled.

            "She said that he said that he's going to ask you out on a date, _today_, during lunch," she squealed.

            "A- a, _date._  But where would we _go_?  I mean, really, it's not a Hogsmeade weekend, and the astrology tower is always- ahem- busy."

            "Hey, I'm not the one asking you out, I'm just the messenger.  Oooo!  Look here he's coming over now, I think I'll just leave this seat vacant."

            Lily was in shock when a red-faced James came and seated himself directly across the table from her.  He seemed to be avoiding her eyes, and kept staring down at his empty plate, and clearing his throat.  

            "Hello, James."  Lily greeted him kindly.

            "Er- hi," James said meekly, still not looking up.

            "You've been avoiding me all day James, is something wrong."  Lily tried, hoping to get this conversation going, since James obviously was having some trouble.  James swallowed deeply and then tried speaking again.

            "Lovely lunch, this.  Have you tried the pudding?"  

            "Not just yet.  Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?  Where's Sirius at today?"

            "Library"

            "But Sirius has never been to the library before.  Does he even know where it is?"

            James laughed a little, and then turned even redder than before- if that was even possible.  If Lily hadn't spoken earlier with Rebecca, she would have thought he had had a bad bout of the flu and been force-fed large quantities of Pepper-Up potion.

            "So Lily, you.  What are you doing."

            "I'm eating lunch."

            "Oh," said James looking pained, "I mean this weekend."  He then blushed furiously and avoided her stare again.

            "Well, since its not a Hogsmeade weekend, I think I'll be hanging around the castle.  Like everyone else."

            "Right."

            "So, any reason why you ask?"

            "Well it, ah, you see, er, if you really aren't doing anyth-," he tried, then suddenly his eyes went wide and he muttered, "I really need to check on Sirius in the library!"  

            "I'll talk with you later then," Lily called to his retreating back.

****

            Remus sidled out of the hall after James.  After that he was going to need some serious comforting, and Sirius was definitely not the one to be, well, serious in a situation like this.  He smiled gently.  He really had never seen his charismatic friend ever stutter, but it seemed that the moment he came within a ten-meter radius of Lily he turned into a bumbling fool.  

            He walked down the halls to the library, knowing his way quite well having been at Hogwarts for six years now.  And the library really was quite familiar to him, unlike Sirius.  

            He opened the door to find James looking as though he'd seen a ghost, mumbling incoherently as Sirius laughed without restraint and tried to look comforting at the same time.  

            "I think that the old boy finally tried to ask her."  Sirius grinned, "Hard to tell though, he hasn't put together one coherent sentence yet."

            "Oh, he didn't actually ask her just yet," Remus nodded to James, "He sure as hell tried, though."

            "It really wasn't too terrible, James," Peter squeaked.  

            "Yes, it was," James lamented resignedly, and with a look of utter horror on his now white face, "I'll never be able to face her again.  She's probably having a good laugh at me now with all of her friends.  Giggling should be made illegal."

            "You're probably right, Prongs old pal.  But you just can't worry about it.  If she still likes you, she still likes you, and if she now thinks you're an ugly git, well, there's really nothing any of us can do about that, now is there?"  Sirius said.  "It's not your fault you can't be as cute and charming as me.  No one is."  

            James scowled, and Remus gave Sirius a "I really don't think you're being very sensitive but yes it is quite funny" look.  

            "You know, I still could always ask her for you."  Sirius suggested with laughing eyes.

            "NO!" Remus, James, and Peter all shouted at once, getting a reproving stare and quite a 'hush' from the formidable librarian, Madam Pince.

            "Alright, alright.  No need to get all huffy about it.  How about this, I'll go and talk- don't say anything yet James, just hear me out- I'll talk to her about it and get her all prepped, so by the time you ask her, she'll say yes before you even have to say anything."

            "Sirius," James said, looking murderous, "you are not to go near her.  You should not even be allowed alone in a room with any female, much less Lily.  You are an evil, evil person."

            "What, afraid that my stunning good looks and irresistible charms are going to seduce your girl?"  Sirius said with a canine grin, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands behind his head.  "Well, I suppose you really can't blame- "

            "That's it, you've done enough damage for one day!"  James interrupted, pushing him all the way to the floor where his head hit with a resounding thump.  He then turned without adieu and stalked off the to the dormitory.  Sirius began to extricate himself from the legs of the chair, rubbing the back of his head.

            "My does Jamsie get violent over his woman," he commented, wincing as he touched the tender spot on the back of his head.

****

            Lily was very baffled by James' earlier behaviour, as she sat in the Gryffindor common room that evening revising for Binns exam that next week.  She looked up and smiled as she saw Sirius approaching her.  She really did feel lucky to have four great friends that were also boys, which is why she couldn't understand James' freakishly abnormal behaviour.  

            "Hello Sirius," 

            "Good evening, young lady," Sirius grinned back.

            "I heard you were in the library today, did you find it alright?"

            "Well, considering I had in fact never been there, I found it easily indeed.  I heard that you had a very interesting conversation today at lunch."

            "Yes, well, interesting is one way to put it.  D'you know why James is acting so strangely?  I have an idea, but I really don't want to assume too much, you know?"

            "Right, well, I think James wants to talk to you right this instant over by the fireplace.  So, you go and wait right there and I'll tell him you'll speak with him, alright?"  Lily raised her eyebrows as Sirius ushered her over to the squashy crimson sofa that was positioned comfortably near the cheerfully crackling fire.  

            "OI!  JAMES!"  Sirius shouted up the staircase in the direction of his dormitory, "Get your arse down here now!"  He then turned to Lily and put on the air of an extremely pompous and old waiter.

"Well, madam, Mr. Potter will be down to see you momentarily."  

When he heard the familiar footfalls of his friend, Sirius bid Lily goodbye and ran from the common room like a man on fire.

"Wait! Where are you going?"  Lily called after him.

"Library!"  Sirius yelled back mysteriously.

James stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked surprised to see Lily.  

"Sirius said you wanted to see me, James?" 

"No!"  James answered shortly, his eyes widening with horror.

"You mean you didn't _ask_ to see me or you don't in fact _want_ to see me?"

James looked confused and seemed to be thinking it over.

"No!" He shouted again.

Lily then looked confused as well as a bit irritated.  

"Well, right then, I'll just go, shall I?"  

"No!"  He shouted again, "No, wait."  He walked over and sat next to her, swallowed loudly as he seemed to gather up his courage, then finally uttered those fateful words.

"Dyouwangodatemethisweeknd?"  

"Er- what?"  Lily asked confused.

"D'you want to- to go on- on a _date_ with me?  This weekend?"  He finally asked with a look of disbelief on his face that he had actually done it.

"Alright, then."  Lily smiled.

"You mean it?  You'll really go?  Saturday alright?  Pick you up 'round five?"

"Sounds perfect." She answered sweetly, blushing slightly.

"Great, well, yes- I'll just go now.  Have to get to the library."

Lily couldn't help but sigh as soon as he was out of earshot, then sank back into the couch.  She looked perfectly contented for a moment, then sat bolt upright and uttered to no one in particular, "But what will I _wear_?!"

As she stood up to retreat to her dormitory, she could have sworn she heard a faint whoop from the direction of the portrait hole.  

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2 Preparing for the date

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

Dates, Pranks and Marauders 

****

**Chapter II- Preparing for the date **

Sirius sat quietly reading in the library.  _God,_ he thought to himself_, if anyone could see me now.  I don't think I've EVER been this quiet before in my life, and I'm in the library for the second time in one day.  Jamsie's making me soft._  

            'So Rem, do you think he's done it yet?'  Sirius asked of his werewolf comrade.

            'Tried to ask her, or actually done it?'  Remus quipped.

            'Hmmm…Good question actually.  Perhaps Lily's asked him herself by now.  I really don't understand what the big deal is- I mean, take _me_ for example.  When I like a girl, I just go up to her, sweep her off her feet, and say-'

            'Sirius,' Remus interrupted, 'not everyone is as, ah, brash, as you.  Some of us are normal, or even polite.'

            'Yes, but even so…' Sirius cut off as he noticed James bursting into the library, causing the doors to bang loudly against the stone walls.  Noticing the maniacal grin plastered all over James' face, Sirius paled and gulped loudly.

            'I think he's finally cracked, and now he's going to kill us all,' he said resignedly.

            'Perhaps you'd better run for it,' Remus commented without looking up from his notes.

            It was too late, however.  James had already reached the table and slammed both of his hands forcefully onto it.  

            'Well, Sirius, what do you have to say for yourself?' James asked without discernable expression.

            'I don't want to die.'  Sirius said as calmly as he dared, while trying to collect his things and contemplating whether or not he could get away by transforming into Padfoot.  Besides, there was one book in particular he was keen to get away from James' eyes.

            James then swooped down upon Sirius.  Before he even had a chance to wince, he realised that it was a hug.  In utter bewilderment, Sirius said, 

            'I'm not quite sure what's going on here, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this.  James- er- are you sure you're, hugging the right person?'

            'Yes!  Yes! The answer was yes!  And she said yes!  It's all your fault!  You're responsible!  You're the one to blame!  It's YOUR fault!  And she said YES!!!!'  James positively shouted.

            'What are you talking about?'  Sirius asked while struggling to get out of James' vice-like grip, 'Put me down!'

            'Well Sirius, he finally _did_ ask her, and she said yes.'  Remus explained calmly, still not looking up, 'It's because of you that he asked her in the first place, you know.'

            'Ah, yes, very good.  Please put me down now.'  Sirius squirmed impatiently.  

            James dropped Sirius from the embrace and punching him playfully on the arm. 

            'What were you thinking, eh?  Setting me up like that to make a fool of myself.'

            'You were making a fool of yourself before _I_ ever got involved.'  Sirius muttered.

    'It _is_ true, you know.'  Remus told him.

            'Yes, well…' Sirius cleared his throat, and hastily snatched his book from the table and hid it as well as he could in his bag, amoung his Filibuster's Fabulous No-heat, Wet-start fireworks, James' invisibility cloak, the Marauder's map, and various other items that would have no practical use in a classroom.

            'What's that you've got?'  James said, eyeing the book with mounting suspicion.

            'Er- nothing at all.  You know, I think I have some homework that I really must get done before tomorrow.  I'll meet you back at the dormitory…' Sirius seemed to get very uncomfortable and started sidling towards the door.

            'Wait, you don't _do_ homework, least not this close to the weekend.  What're you talking about, Sirius?' James asked, now raising his eyebrows. 'What's in that book?!'

            Sirius ran from the library, pulling out the invisibility cloak.  He decided he would have to pay a little visit to the Potion Master's private stores.  

****

            'Eurgh,' James said as he woke up early on Saturday morning.  He had had another terrible nightmare, this particular one included a gigantic pimple that conquered his entire face and exploded onto Lily during an intimate portion of their date.  He quickly jumped from his bed, pulling various limbs out of his red Gryffindor sheets.  He scrambled across the floor into the bathroom and stared at his pale reflection.  _Good_ he sighed to himself,_ my face is still zit-free and smooth._  

            'You're such a girl.'  Sirius yawned, startling James and making him jump. 'What are you doing up this early anyway, it's a _Saturday_.'  He stretched his arms up as he gave another great, dog-like yawn and rubbed his eyes blearily.

            'I had the worst dream, _ever_.'  James said.

            'Really,' Sirius asked interestedly, 'Was it worse than the one where you turned into a walrus?'  

            'I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about that.'  James said quickly.

            'Yes, well you're the one bringing it up, aren't you?'  Sirius retorted.  

            'Sirius,' James said, suddenly turning serious and looking a bit ill, 'I don't think I can do it.  What if she laughs at me?  What if I show up and she goes, "Well James, I thought you knew I was kidding, I would never go out with you, what were you thinking?"'

            'What if you really_ did _turn into a Walrus?'  Sirius asked jokingly.

            'Don't even joke about things like that!  I _could _turn into a Walrus.'

            'Don't be silly, Prongs, my dear, you wouldn't turn into a _walrus_, you're a deer, remember?'  

            'Ha, ha very funny.  Perhaps I need to remind you of the date that _you_ had, back in fifth year, when we were still working out the transformation.  Poor Susie Nugent, she's terribly frightened of large animals.  That was quite a large memory charm if I remember correctly.'  

            'I was young…I was stupid…' Sirius said nostalgically.

            'Sirius…it was _last year_.'  

            'Well, anyways, the point was that you're not in any real danger of turning into a walrus…well, unless I look up that charm…' he said, trailing off.

            'You wouldn't dare.'  James replied with a hint of a threat in his voice.  By now he really knew when Sirius was kidding, but then again, it was always hard to tell, and his nerves were pretty shot by now besides.

            'Oh, wouldn't I.  Just think of the possibilities, the two of you, sitting in a dark corner in the Hog's Head, a mysterious stranger with a map sitting a few tables away, you lean in to snog, and then- bam!  You've a great filthy moustache and large tusks.  Yes, I think that would be a wonderful prank, don't you?'

            James rolled his eyes, and brushed past Sirius to get dressed and go down to breakfast.  

****

            Lily sat slightly hidden by the crimson hangings of her four-poster, deeply immersed in the Jane Austen novel, _Sense and Sensibility._  Though the other girls in her year sometimes made fun of her for reading muggle books, she ignored their comments.  Muggles weren't quite as efficient at most things as wizards, but that still didn't stop them from creating great literature. 

            She heard a loud burst of giggles come from the direction of Rebecca Duffy's bed.  _Giggling should be made illegal_, Lily thought irritably, with her reading having been interrupted by the sharp laughs of Rebecca and her best friend Marsha Higgins.

As she listened, she became more and more interested in what was really so funny.  She looked back down at her book, but was not really reading.  She scooted closer and closer to the edge of her bed, trying to hear.  She didn't usually care much for 'girl talk' and things that her sister, Petunia, enjoyed doing, but it _was_ nice to hear what was going on around the school…

            Eventually Lily gave up all semblance of covertness, and stared openly at the two gossiping girls.  Suddenly, both of them looked up at her at the same time.  She froze and tried again to busy herself with her book, blushing furiously and trying to disappear back into her pillows.  She thought she distinctly heard the words, "Lily," "James," and "date," just after that, but didn't really have time to think it over, as she realized that James was going to be waiting for her in just 15 minutes.  

Abruptly she jumped from the bed as if it had been charged with electricity, then hurried to get ready.  

****

            As James ran back and forth across the bathroom, Remus, Sirius, and Peter watched as though they were at a tennis match.  They had thought that James was acting crazy when trying to ask Lily in the first place, but that was nothing compared to this.  He ran wildly in and out of the bathroom, searching frantically for various objects and articles of clothing.  

            'Where's my other shoe!'  James shouted to no one in particular.  Thinking it best not to respond, the other three said nothing.

            'It looks just like this one, only for the other foot!'

            Remus, Sirius, and Peter exchanged amused glances.

            'Ah!  Here it is!'  James exclaimed, pulling it from his back pocket.

            'Now where have my glasses gotten to!'  James asked looking frantic.

            'They're on your face, James,' Remus said, finally losing his amusement at James' behavior and becoming exasperated. 

            No one could really understand why James was behaving like this.  He wasn't exactly 'smooth' like Sirius, but he certainly wasn't shy, and dealt quite well with the hoards of younger girls that seemed to have formed a fan club around his quidditch abilities.  James was usually so calm and level-headed, whenever the marauders were pulling a prank, he was always the one to execute the plan perfectly, he was always able to talk his way out of sticky situations, and was the one to keep everyone else in check.  It was very difficult to see the captain of the quidditch team in James just now, pulling his shoe from his pocket and looking vaguely around for his glasses like a deer in the headlights.  If he had been more rational at the time, he probably would have realised that he was blind as a bat, and would have no way of looking for his glasses had he not been wearing them.  

            'OK, OK.'  James panted.  'I think I'm ready.  How do I look?  Am I ready?'  James asked spreading his arms out and turning around.

            'Well,' replied Remus, 'you look fine, but- uh- your breath stinks.  You had a tuna fish sandwich for lunch, with onions.'  

            'Why did I do that?!  What was I thinking?  Where's my mouthwash?'  James said looking around.  Little did he know that no amount of looking would locate his mouthwash, for Sirius had cleverly hidden it.  The four of them looked around for it, Sirius ever the good actor, and when it couldn't be found, he said.

            'S'all right, mate.  Use mine.'  Sirius fought very hard not to grin maliciously as he handed James the cloudy blue liquid.

            'Thanks,' said James, very much looking it, and quickly using the mouthwash.  

            James seemed to be calming down slightly, now, and did not look quite as nervous or spastic as he had in the preceding days.

            'Alright,' James said sighing deeply, 'I think I'm finally ready to go.'

            'So, he's finally calmed down, eh?'  Sirius said jokingly.

            'Yeah.  Really sorry I've been such a prat this week, especially to you, Sir.  You were really only trying to help out.'  James apoligised to his friends.

            'Yes, well.  You were a prat, no denying that.'  Sirius replied, starting to look guilty and shifting uncomfortably.  He kept glancing at James as if he expected him to grow another head.  

            'I'm glad that I've finally calmed down now.  Imagine if I went out with Lily and was still freaking out.  Now that I've got myself under control, this'll be the perfect date.'  James sighed with relief as he sank into one of the large, squashy crimson bean-bags Sirius had bewitched to roar like a lion anytime anyone sat on it too hard.  Suddenly Peter and Remus' eyes went as wide as dinner plates while Sirius casually studied the ceiling.

'Good Lord!  What is that!?'  Remus said staring just slightly above James' head.  

Peter looked terrified, and stared open-mouthed at the same spot as Remus.

'What?'  James asked, looking up too.  'I don't see anything…'

'Well,' Sirius said, laughing slightly, with a big grin and twitching eyes, 'what do you know, the potion worked…' He gulped as James continued looking politely confused as to what everyone was so worked up about.

'Potion?'  James asked, looking to Sirius, 'What potion?'

'Potion?  Who said anything about a potion?  James, you're hearing things.  There's no potion…you're- er- hair looks great by the way.'  Sirius finished slowly backing towards the door.

'_Neeeeeeeeeee!'_

'What potion, Sirius?'  James asked, suddenly darkening and standing up, wand drawn.

'_Neeeeeeeeeeee!'_

'Heh..aheh…' Sirius laughed nervously, 'Perhaps you just need to see for yourself…I'm just going to be going now…have a date or something, you know.'

'God!  It's hideous!'  Peter yelped, now pointing.  

'NEEEEEEE!'

'Sirius!  I demand that you tell me what potion you're talking about!'  James said walking towards Sirius, 'You're going to- and what is that sound!?'

'Prongs, you must understand that there are no words to describe what is going on.'  Sirius winced, leading a bewildered James to the lavatory.

            Now, to say that James was quite surprised at what he found would most certainly qualify for the understatement of the year.  If Sirius had not placed a silencing charm on their dormitory in preparation, the entire castle would have quite a surprise at just how big James' lung capacity was.  After getting over the initial shock at what was now growing healthily out of the top of his head, James began to back away from the mirror in horror.

            'No,' he muttered, 'no, no, no, no, nononono…Sirius, you did _not_ just do this, not tonight.  Why?'  

            'Uh- Sorry?'  Sirius tried, knowing that if he didn't want to have a large assembly of hex-marks, he would have to get out very soon and very quickly, before James recovered his wits and went on a killing spree.  'It goes away in 24 hours, if it makes you feel any better…'

            '_Neeeeeeeeeeee!'_

            'You!'  James whispered dangerously, suddenly pointing his wand at Sirius' throat, 'this is all _your_ fault!  I'm going to _kill_ you!'

            'Now James, you- you wouldn't hit a poor, _innocent_ stray animal, would you?'  Sirius said.  With that, James, having completely abandoned his wand, lunged at Sirius, his hands grasping for his throat.  Fortunately for Sirius, he had changed into the bear-like, black shaggy dog at the exact same moment.  Sirius, or Padfoot as he was now, yelped wildly dodging James, and ran from the room.  Remus and Peter could have sworn they heard several girls shrieking.  Remus' hearing, enhanced several times by his lycanthropy, picked up Rebecca Duffy yelling, 'Where did that dog come from!  Get it _out_ of here, _now_!'

            James turned now to Remus and looked pleadingly at him, 'What am I going to _do_?'  He moaned.

            'Well, I have an idea…' Remus began, with a slight smile playing on the corners of his mouth.  

END OF CHAP 2 

A/N: This is to be continued. It'd be really nice if we got some reviews J Thanks to 

Themidnightangel for being our first reviewer (and adding us to your favourites!) Also thanks to Empress Genevieve for the really nice review! 

Hope to have many more reviewers! Thanks! –Hillary ( and not technically Jess) 


	3. Chapter 3 The Date or The Worst Experien...

**Disclaimer**:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

**Dates, Pranks, and Mauraders**

Chapter III- The Date or The Worst Experience of James' Life 

            Lily stood in front of her vanity frantically brushing out her long, silky auburn hair.  It had seemed like ages before her date with James, but now there was only a minute remaining.  She rifled through her drawers searching for her mascara, with only 45 seconds left.  At the 30 second mark, she found her mascara, and held it up with a look of triumph on her face, before beginning to apply it.  

            As she was just finishing up her left eye, she heard a sharp knock on the door, causing her to make a sizable smudge appear across her face.  

            'Is Lily there?'  She heard James' voice call from the other side of the door.

            'Yes,' Marsha Higgins and Rebecca Duffy said in unison, dissolving into a fit of giggles.  Lily rolled her eyes at them then said,

            'I'll be out in just a moment,' turning back to the mirror to madly scrub the huge black smear that now dominated her face.  After continuing in this vein for about a minute, she suddenly realised aloud,

            'What I am doing, I'm a witch.  I know magic!'  She drew out her wand and made the stubborn mark vanish instantly.

            After checking herself once more in the mirror, she ran to the door, threw it open, and then exclaimed breathlessly, 

            'My James, you are punctual.  Sorry for taking so long.'

            Had James not been preoccupied with his _problem_, he probably would have said something to the extent of, 'It was well worth the wait.'  However, what came out of his mouth didn't resemble that in the slightest.

            'Your door looks lovely this evening,' he said distractedly.

            'Right, uh, what's with the hat?'  Lily replied, slightly annoyed that he was more interested in a piece of wood than her.  She eyed the multi-plaid patched old man cap with disdain.

            'Yeah, Remus said that I should wear it,' he said trying to look like it was no big deal, and putting on what he hoped would look like a winning grin.

             'Oh, OK.  So, where are we going?'  She asked, trying to change the subject.

             'Aha!' James said, regaining his usual composure, 'Now that, my lady, is a surprise.  Oh and you'd best get your cloak, it's quite chilly out.'  She quickly returned to her room and emerged with her cloak folded over her arm and a crimson and gold Gryffindor scarf wrapped round her neck.  James offered his left arm to Lily, who gratefully accepted.  With his other arm, he patted his knapsack, which was slung carelessly over his shoulder containing a certain map and his Invisibility cloak.   

            James then ushered Lily towards the portrait hole, too busy to notice Peter and Remus watching him from the sofas by the fire.  He was also too busy to notice a shiny black muzzle sticking out from under one of those sofas.  

****

            'Alright Sirius, you can come out now.'  Remus told the space between the floor and the couch as the portrait hole clicked shut behind James and Lily.  Padfoot wriggled free from the dark confines of the couch's underside, then, after checking to make sure no one else was hanging about in the common room, he changed back into Sirius with a pop. 

            'What were you thinking?!' Remus berated, 'Just how mean could you be?  This is their first date and you've slipped a potion into his mouthwash that has made a filthy great thing grow right out the top of his head!'

            'I'm sorry?'  Sirius said, hoping to sound sincere.

            'You know Sirius, I just don't believe you.  I really have to wonder about your judgment when it comes to dealing with pranks especially when they involve your friends.  I don't think sorry is going to cut it.  Besides you shouldn't be apologising to me, James is the one who is suffering because of you.'

            'Alright, alright.  Stop your lecturing.  He didn't seem to be suffering too terribly much last time I saw him.'  Sirius said, slightly annoyed.  Everyone quieted down for a few moments, Sirius looking pensive.  Then, without warning, he stood up suddenly and, with a manic gleam in his blue eyes, proclaimed to the others, 

            'I've got it!  I'll follow them!'

            'I don't think that's such a-' Peter began.

            'NO!'  Remus interrupted vehemently. 

            'Oh, come on now, Moony.  I feel responsible, I want to make sure that nothing else goes wrong.'  Sirius said, trying to look as apologetic as possible.  

            'No you don't,' Remus scoffed, '_you_ just want to see what happens.  This is just another one of your half-baked schemes.'

            'It's not!  This one is fully baked!'  Sirius protested, with a smile.

            A few giggles began to escape from behind Peter's hands, but were quickly stifled after Remus gave him a piercing stare.

            'Man, Remus, you're being so grumpy.  Is it that time of the month already?'  Sirius asked.

            'So what if it is?'  Remus snarled in reply.

            'No wonder you've been studying so hard lately,' Sirius muttered under his breath.  Moony always seemed to get very touchy when the full moon approached, and studied much harder than usual, knowing that he would have to catch up with the rest of the class.  He really felt the need to prove himself, so that his attending Hogwarts would be well justified.  Remus, sensing that he had created some tension amoung his friends, put a smile on his face and asked jovially of the other two,

            'So, d'you think Lily's discovered what's under James' hat yet?'

            'I think we'd be able to hear her scream if she had,' Sirius said.  They all went quiet out of respect for their friend, then burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

****

            James looked at the sunset reflecting off of Lily's eyes and glanced out of one of the mullioned windows they were passing on the way to the statue of the one-eyed crone.  The thick blankets of snow reflected the fading colors of the darkening twilight sky, and the Forbidden Forest loomed ominously in the background, seeming mute of color in contrast.

            'Where are we going?'  Lily asked again innocently.

            'Don't want to ruin the surprise,' James whispered mysteriously.

            '_Neeeeeeeeeee!'_

            'What was _that_?'  Lily asked suddenly stopping mid-stride.

            'I don't know.' James said, looking uncomfortable.  He could say this with perfect honesty, because he really did have absolutely no idea what it was that was growing from his head.  

*****

            Lily and James walked into the Three Broomsticks followed by a large flurry of snow.  The pretty young barmaid noticed James and waved him over.

            'So, Mr. Potter, where's Mr. Black tonight?'  

            'I _suppose_ he's up at the castle.  Right now I don't really care.'  James spat acidly.

            'Oh?  Did the two of you have a row or something?'  Miss Rosmerta replied looking slightly disappointed.

            'You could say that,' James said sulkily.

            'Too bad,' she said, 'you two always make me laugh.'  

            With that, she handed Lily and James a couple of Butterbeers, and walked off to serve another customer.  James led Lily over to a secluded table near the merrily crackling fire.  

            'Did you and Sirius have really have a row?  I've never seen you two fight.'  Lily asked concernedly.

            'Oh, we fight.'  James stated.

            'What about?'  Lily asked politely.

            'Mostly about him being a stupid ugly git.'

            'Oh…' Lily sighed and began to look around uncomfortably.  Noticing her discomfort at where the conversation was going, he hastily ended that topic.  After all, Sirius was Lily's friend as well as his, and probably didn't enjoy hearing people talk badly about him.

            'He just pulled a really stupid prank, that was totally out of place tonight.'  James said quickly.

            'What was it? Or was it so bad that I can't hear?'  Lily replied with a smile, she was always interested in hearing about her friends' antics, and even sometimes participating in the rarest of instances.

            'It's _definitely_ too bad to tell you.'  James told her.

            'Knowing Sirius, it probably was.'  Both of them chuckled appreciatively at this.  

            'Even though Sirius is an evil prat, he does come up with some of the best pranks 'cause his dad is a muggle.'  

            'How so?'  Lily asked, not understanding how having a muggle for a father would result in good pranks.

            'Well, in the wizarding world, we don't really understand how to deal with a lot of muggle things, like hair death.'  James told her, looking as if this would be obvious, and at the same time proud of his knowledge of muggle things.

            'You mean hair _dye_?' Lily asked.

            'Precisely, but how did you know that, you're not in muggle studies?'  

            'My parents _are_ muggles, remember?' 

            'Oh yeah,' he replied, 'I kind of forgot about that for a second.  You know, now that I think about it, we don't really know that much at all about each other.'

            'Yeah,' Lily replied, 'you'd think that after living nine months out of twelve with someone for six years you'd know a lot about that person.  I guess it just never really comes up.'

            As this was slightly a conversation stopping sentence, they both fell silent and looked away from each other.  After a few moments, James started to chuckle, then he laughed outright.

            'What's so funny?'  Lily inquired.

            'You've just reminded me of the first time I saw you.  You were standing near the platform with your parents, you looked so excited, and your parents looked as though they feared we all were going to come take out our wands and beat you with them.'

            'Yeah I remember that, too.  And you were the one who helped me onto the platform…then Sirius threw a dung bomb at me.' Lily stated with a smile as James laughed at the thought of Sirius' clowning around.

             'I did get him back though…' She trailed off.

            'Really?  How?'  James asked with interest.

            'I put a charm on him that made him think the room was unbearably hot.'  Lily smirked, looking down into her butterbeer and looking slightly embarrassed.

            James had chosen a very bad moment to take a drink, for her confession caused him to snort into his butterbeer, sending it back onto his face.

            'That was _you_?!  But I thought Snape did that!  And Sirius and I cursed him for it.  His hair was pink for a month.  Wow, that explains a lot.'

            '_Neeeeeeeeeeee!_' 

            'There's that sound we heard in the castle again.' Lily said with a jump. 'Peeves couldn't have followed us here, could he?' 

            'No,' muttered James as he grabbed his hat, which seemed to be floating in midair above his head, and jammed it back down.

            Lily gave him an inquisitive stare as his hat once again began to rise.

            'Sirius pranked me,' James explained, 'now this hat just can't seem to stay on.'

            Lily opened her mouth as if to ask more, but James interrupted to keep her as far away from the subject of his hat as possible.

            'I still can't believe that you pulled that prank on Sirius- in first year!  Most girls don't have enough guts to do that.'

            'Well, I guess that's why I'm in Gryffindor,' Lily replied with a slight twist in her smile.

            Now, this was the time when James was expected to say something dashing and romantic, however, he couldn't think of anything that didn't sound like something Sirius might say, so instead he smiled at her in adoration.  As the fire played softly on Lily's hair, James realised that she was the most amazing girl he had ever met.  

'_Neeeeeeeeeeee!'_

He knew then that she was the only girl for him, and that her friendship had meant very much to him all these years, but he'd hadn't noticed just how much he loved her.

            'You know James,' she said softly, 'you've got just a bit of butterbeer on your glasses.'  She reached into her pocket and pulled out a delicate handkerchief, which James noticed had lilies embroidered into it.  Just as she reached across the table she dropped it, and it fell down to the floor.  

            'I'll get it.'  Lily and James said at the same time.  Both of their hands touched the handkerchief at the same time, and as they looked into each other's eyes and their bodies started to lean into each other, James' hat toppled from his head. A strange creature snaked its way from the top of James' head and headed straight towards Lily. 

            If Lily had had time for reflection, she might have even thought the thing was cute.  It had a large mouth, with only one triangular tooth protruding in a buck-tooth fashion.  It had large, black, lazy eyes that were framed by inch-long eye-lashes, and its scaly head was topped off by a fluffy tuft of bright orange hair.  The head was mounted on a long, thin, accordion-like neck, poking out of James' unruly hair.  Upon reflection, Lily would have thought that it looked quite like a Muppet, and that James was just as shocked as she.  

            Unfortunately, she didn't have time for reflection, because the thing lunged at her with such ferocity, she didn't have time to do anything but scream.  

'_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'_

And then…

END OF CHAPTER 3   

**Additional Disclaimer:** The Muppet is under the copyright of Jim Henson Entertainment.

A/N: This entire fic is based on a cartoon I (Hillary) drew. Hopefully this will be posted somewhere soon. But until then you will have to try and imagine what the thing looks like through our descriptions. 

Thanks to our reviewers Wo Ai Ni16 and Callie Anne (especially for putting us on your favourites list.) We give special thanks to Empress Genevieve for sticking to our story. J

We hope to update soon and see more reviews! J 

            -Hillary and Jess


	4. Chapter 4 The Aftermath

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

Dates, Pranks, and Marauders  
  
Chapter IV- The Aftermath 

            'I'm going to_ kill _him!'  James shouted, his voice cracking, as he stormed into the common room, slamming the portrait shut behind him.  A small group of first year girls looked up terrified, and quickly ran up to their dormitories.

            'Do I have to ask who?'  Remus asked, trying to keep a straight face.

            'Oh! YOU _KNOW_ WHO!  And if you don't, then you'll soon be able to recognize him!  He'll be the _dead_ one!'  James exhorted, now very red in the face.

            Remus began to guide James up the spiral staircase towards the boy's dormitories.

            'I'm going to rip him limb from limb!  I'm going to gut him, pull out his intestines, and strangle him with them!  I'm going to curse him so hard his grandchildren will feel it!  His legs will be where his ears should be and his ears will be where his legs should be!'

            Peter led the way up the stairs as Remus pushed James forward, trying not to listen to what he had to say.

            'Hell! I don't even need magic!  I'll just strangle him with my bare hands!  I'm going to wring his ugly neck!!  Next time you see that two-faced son of a-'

            'Now James, don't say anything you'll later regret.'

            'He's a dead man, I tell you!'

            Remus ushered James into the 6th year dormitory, putting a silencing charm on the room, as Peter held the door open for the two of them.  Remus felt quite sure that whatever James was saying in his blind rage, he wouldn't want the rest of the school to hear it.  Besides, he thought it looked like one of the first year girls had gone into hysterics at James hostile behavior.  

            'I'm going to cut off his bloody dog-ears and make him eat them!  I'm going to kill him, bring him back to life, then kill him again!'

            'Now, why exactly are you going to kill him?'  Peter asked, looking as though he thought James might kill him, too.

            'He made my date the worst date _ever_!  It was the worst experience of my life!'

            'Now surely it couldn't have been _that_ bad.'  Remus said.

            'Oh, you have no idea.  You can't possibly fathom the utter misery I've suffered.  We were just about to kiss-'

            'Well, that sounds good...' Remus began.

            'We were _about_ to kiss, then the really bad part happened.  This thing,' James motioned to his head violently, 'came out and do you know what it did?  I'll tell you what it did!  It spat bubotuber pus all over her face, and then, yes it _does_ get worse, it bit her right smack on the nose!'

            'Yes, well, that is unfortunate.'  Remus muttered as James took a breath.

            'How would you feel if you had to drag Lily back through the passage in Honeydukes, all the way back to the castle, while all the time her face is swelling and she's crying.  Then we have to avoid the teachers, which under the best of circumstances isn't an easy task!'  James said as he recalled a very close call they had had with McGonagall.  

            'What did you do with her?'  Peter asked tentatively.

            'I took her to the hospital wing to recuperate, the matron said that she'll be there two and a half days.'  James replied, sadly rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses.  'She's never going to talk to me again.'

            'Perhaps you could bring her a large box of chocolates to cheer her up…and a paper bag to wear over her head.'  Remus suggested.  

            'This is all Sirius' fault!  I'm going to kill him!'  By now, Remus and Peter had begun to ignore James' furious rants.  Remus began to guide James over to his bed, and sat him down on it, looking him in the eye.

            'Now James, you need to calm down.  I want you to take a deep breath, then look under your bed.  You have some Chocolate Frogs under there-'

            'Chocolate Frogs!'  Peter squeaked, 'And you weren't going to tell me about them?'

            'Not now, Peter,' Remus told Peter shortly, 'those are for Lily.  James, you need to take those down to the hospital wing, give them to Lily and keep her company.'

            'What if she won't talk to me?  What if she hates me?'  James asked still in slight hysterics.

            'She doesn't have much choice in the matter, now does she?  She is stuck there for two and a half days.'

            James didn't get up, so Remus dragged him from his bed, shoved the chocolates into his stomach so he would have to grab them, and quickly pushed him out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.  

            'Well, it looks like Jamsie really wants to kill me.'  Sirius said, stepping out from beneath the Invisibility Cloak.

            'This is the last time I'm going to cover for you.'  Remus told him.

            'You've been saying that for the last four years.'  Sirius said running a hand through his hair and grinning.

            'Well, this is _really_ the last time.' Remus said pacing back and forth with his back to Sirius, who was mimicking him the entire time, 'I mean it!  And don't mimic me.'  Remus didn't have to turn around to know what Sirius was doing, especially since his senses were heightened around the full moon.  As Remus spun around to look at Sirius, Sirius pulled a grotesque face at him.  

            'Real mature, Sirius, real mature,' Remus said rolling his eyes.

            'I'm not the mature one, you and James are.  Well, at least James used to be…now he's the homicidal maniac of the group.'

            Remus stared blankly at him at this remark. 

            'I really don't think I can deal with you right now, in fact I think now is a very good time for you to go away.'

            'Go?  Go where?  This is _my_ dormitory, too.'  Sirius commented, wildly waving his arms around.

            'Why don't you go to the _library_, you've certainly been there enough lately.  And take Peter with you, too.  I can't deal with him either.'

            'Hey, what did I do?'  Peter asked indignantly.

            'You're annoying and small,' Remus said dismissively, 'leave now, both of you.'

            Peter and Sirius looked at each other slack-jawed, then got up and left as Remus sighed, sinking down onto his bed.

****

            James tapped softly on door to the hospital wing; the matron, Madam Pomfrey, flung the door open, her hands braced strongly against the doorjambs, as if to violently prevent him from entering the room.  James was very taken aback at this, but swallowed his nerves, deciding that he could probably sweet talk his way in.  

            'No one is allowed in here, now run along.'  The matron responded in a very business-like, clipped tone.

            'I know that normally, but, you know, I just feel so responsible for what happened to Lily, and-'

            'Well, you should feel responsible after what you did to the poor girl.  Her face is swollen up worse than a bloated toad.'

            'But, poor Lily, I wish I could just tell her how _sorry_ I am.  She shouldn't have to stay in the _dark, cold, lonely_ hospital wing all _alone._'

            'It's not all that dark and cold.  Now leave, go on.'

            'But-'

            'No buts, just go.'  She snappishly told him, with that she promptly shut the door in James' face, leaving him standing sputtering in the hall.  

            '_Neeeeeeeee!'_

            As James heard this noise, which was now worse than a death rattle to him, he realised that he was not in fact wearing any sort of head covering.  Either the matron had not noticed it or else she was so used to seeing bizarre maladies that she didn't care.  James headed back to the dormitory with the intention of getting something to cover his head and perhaps the Invisibility cloak so he could return to the hospital wing and visit Lily later.  

            James walked through the long halls of Hogwarts, listening to his feet resound in the utter silence and emptiness of the castle.  The only noticeable sound other than the shuffling of his feet was the susurration of his long robes.  He wondered what he might actually do to Sirius if he met him in the dark hallway.  Judging by the complete lack of human presence, it was probably getting very late into the night, and there would be no one to hear that slimy git scream.

            Finally reaching the portrait of the Fat Lady in the pink silk dress, James gave the password to get in.  

            '_Hydra._'  He said monotonously.

            James trudged up the spiral staircase to the dormitory, creaking the door open wearily.  He noticed that all the lights were extinguished, which was highly unusual at any time on a Saturday night, and that all the beds were empty except one.  Remus was lying under his bed clothes with his head where his feet should have been.

            'Remus?'  James said, hoping not to disturb him if he happened to be asleep.

            'Go away.'  Said a muffled voice from the bottom end of the bed.

            'Er- are you alright?'

            'No.  Go away.'

            'Where is everyone else?'

            'I kicked them out.  Go.  Now.'

            'Alright, well have you seen my Invisibility cloak?'

            'I don't care.  Go away, James.  Why are you here?'

            'Well, typically I sleep here…'

            'Not tonight you won't.  Really- go away.'

            'Is there anything I can do to help you?'

            'We've been through this every month for years.  No.  Go away, now!'  Remus said testily, his muffled voice getting louder.

            'OK, well I'll just find my cloak and go, then.  If you see Sirius, tell him I'm going to kill him.'  James told him, beginning to rummage through his trunk, searching for his hat and cloak.  The crimson duvet cover on Remus' bed suddenly flopped over menacingly.

            'I don't think you understand.  Get out.  Now.  Or I will hurt you.'

            'Just how close is it to the full moon, anyway?'  James replied amicably, placing his hat on his head and throwing the cloak over his arm.

            'It's on Tuesday.  But you need to leave.  I am angry, I am carnivorous, my head hurts, and here you are…still talking and not leaving.'

            'Fine, Moony, fine.  So, do you think Lily will talk to me?'  James asked with a grin.  Remus had had enough, and all James heard as he quickly departed was a long low growl, and a hastily muttered, 'venison.'

****

            Sirius and Peter broke into the library late on Saturday night.  Peter didn't see why they had to go to the library, when there were many other places to spend a night that would be perfectly fine, but, as Sirius pointed out, it was best to do exactly what Moony said when he was in such a state.  Also, he didn't think James would be likely to spring in on them in the library, and Sirius liked living quite a lot.  

            'Can't we go back to the dorm?'  Peter whined, after they had sat in utter darkness and silence for the past half hour.

            'No.' Sirius growled in reply.

            'I'm tired…and hungry.'

            'Then go to the kitchen.  I don't care what you do.'

            'Oh, OK.  Well, will you come with me?  I'm scared of Filch.'  Peter said, lowering his voice at this last pronouncement.

            Sirius gave him a long look that was enhanced by moonlight spilling across his face in the otherwise black abyss of the library.  Taking this as a "no," Peter tried something else.

            'Alright then, well, where are we going to sleep?'  

            'I don't know, Peter, books can be quite comfortable, when used appropriately.'  Sirius said without breaking his stare into the abyss.               

            '_I_ could have had a date tonight.'  Sirius said sadly, more to himself than to Peter, 'but _no_, _I_ had to pull a stupid prank.  Now I'm stuck in a library all night with _Peter_.  Why did I do that?'

            'Hey, it's not all _that_ bad, Sirius.'

            Sirius broke his stoic gaze and turned ever so slowly to stare incredulously at Peter, then he turned back towards the towering windows and heavily rested his chin on his hands.  

****

            James had stayed with Lily all through Saturday night and Sunday, leaving her side only to fetch her things and bring extra sweets from the kitchens, much to her dismay.  He came to visit her between every class on Monday, actually taking good notes, and bringing her a summary of every class and the assignments, and yet the only words she had so far uttered to him were, 'go away.'  

It seemed a lot of people wanted James to go away lately.  Remus had gotten so bad this month that Madam Pomfrey had taken him into the hospital wing late on Sunday, after his usual pre-lunar check-up.  He was even fouler tempered than usual as James heard him complaining bitterly behind a tall curtain a few beds down from Lily.  

            Sirius avoided James as much as possible, which was really fine with him.  If that nosy prat wanted to go off and hang out with _Wormtail_ then that was just fine with him.  Besides, he had to take care of Lily.  Madam Pomfrey had given up trying to evict James from the hospital wing, he just kept coming back, and at least his presence kept Lily quiet.  

            As angry and wolfish as Remus was feeling, he couldn't stand hearing James constantly speaking while Lily said nothing.  It was quite annoying really.  He tried several times to get up and shuffle over in his hospital robes, while the matron wasn't paying attention, and beg Lily to say something to James.  Lily would carry on perfectly civil conversations with Remus, while she covered her face with her sheets.  James had tried every way he could think of to explain the Thing to Lily, but she didn't want to hear.  

It turned out that Sirius had been gravely mistaken.  The creature did not, in fact, disappear as he had predicted, 'in twenty-four hours.'  Much to James' astonishment, the creature burst into bright green flames, unfortunately singing the top of his unruly black hair.  Unluckily for him, this happened in the midst of their Binns exam, catching his hat on fire and causing mass chaos for a good portion of the class.  This was probably the most excited old Binns ever got, he went as far as to pull out his wand and put the fire out.  He then told the class in his monotonous, wheezy voice to get back to their exams immediately.  

By Tuesday evening, Remus was beginning to get nervous.  He didn't want this to be the first time since his friends became Animagi for the marauders not to roam the grounds.  James and Sirius still weren't talking, and since he was cooped up in the hospital wing, he couldn't be the one to patch things up.  While Remus was worrying, James approached Sirius in the Great Hall at dinner.

'So.'  James said, walking up to Sirius.  Sirius started as he noticed James, he made to run for it, but James reached out and grabbed his upper arm.

'Wait,' James looked him in the eye.  'I am still angry with you, but I think we need to put aside our differences for tonight.  For Remus' sake.'

'Really?'  Sirius asked, his eyes widening in disbelief.  'But how do I know you won't kill me while we're out?'

'You don't.'  James grinned maliciously.  For a moment it seemed that everything was back to normal, until James added, 'but I'm still going to kill you when the full moon is over.'

'Oh, OK…' Sirius said, very uncomfortably sitting back down at the table, and looking as though he really wanted to say more.  James sat down across from Sirius and glared evilly at him.  Sirius hesitated for a moment, then said as sincerely as he could possibly be,

'I really am sorry, James.  Hope I didn't mess up your chances with Lily.'  He took James' silence and stoic stature to mean that he wasn't commenting, 'I'll- I'll understand if you never forgive me…'

'You're not sorry.'  James said, as Sirius' face fell, 'You're Sirius.'  James then tried to look angry and unforgiving, but couldn't help but grin.  When Sirius looked up and saw his best friend's face, he began to grin as well.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR  

A/N: We would really like to thank everyone who has reviewed for us so far. Thank you to themidnightangel and Empress Genevieve, who have stuck with us from the beginning. Also thanks to Wo Ai Ni16 for giving us a second review. We have moved this fic from the section it was previously under, because it kept getting associated with J/S slash (eeeek!), which is definitely _not_ what we intended (now it is under James P./ Lily P.). We hope for more reviews and that you all liked this chapter (it's our favorite so far). 

We have Chapter 5 (which is titled The Full Moon) finished but have decided not to post it until we reach 15 reviews. 


	5. Chapter 5 The Full Moon

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

Dates, Pranks, and Marauders  
  
Chapter V:  The Full Moon 

            'Well, come on boy, it's time to go.'  Madam Pomfrey said shortly as she grabbed Remus by the arm and began to cover him with the Invisibility cloak, which Dumbledore had issued to her specifically for smuggling Remus out of the castle.  They both stepped beneath it and walked out of the hospital wing cautiously, even though Dumbledore often assured the both of them that he would see to it that no one would be where they needed to walk.

            The journey from the castle seemed to take an eternity, and was riddled with the matron's harassing questions.  

            'So, Remus, are you feeling well enough this evening?'  She seemed to ask dozens of times.  Each time he responded with, 'as fine as I can be.'  She really was alright, if you overlooked her annoying way of oozing sympathy.  Remus preferred it when no one mentioned his lycanthropy, and didn't take any comfort from pitying looks or sympathy.  Nobody at school had any idea how he felt.

            Remus was particularly glum tonight, feeling sure that he was going to be alone once again, and the matron seemed to pick up on this quite a lot.  

            'Remus, you seem particularly glum tonight.  Is there anything the matter?'  She asked kindly, with a large amount of patience in her maternal voice.

            'Nothing more than the usual.'  Remus said, sighing as they approached the Whomping Willow.  What possible fun could he have tonight?  He would be all alone, beating himself up.

            'I've noticed that your transformations have been going much more smoothly.  You've hardly beaten yourself up at all, recently.'  She told him, trying to ease the tension they both felt.

            'Yes, well, I have a feeling that tonight's is going to be more violent than usual.'

            'Oh, well, I am sorry for you, Mr. Lupin.  It's lucky that you're such a bright young man, or you'd fall behind in school.'  

            'Thank you.'  Remus said meekly, as he ran his hand along the ceiling of the passageway, causing clumps of damp earth to fall to the ground behind him.  He felt very young, especially since he was facing his first solitary transformation in a long time.  

            When they finally reached the trap door that led to the Shrieking Shack, she looked at him one last time.

            'Are you sure you're going to be OK?'  She asked as she drew out the heavy, rusted keys that locked the old trap door.

            'Yes, I'll be fine.' He told her sadly, trying to put on a weak smile.

            As the door slammed shut he looked around at the familiar surroundings.  It made him shudder to think that the broken furniture and clawed walls were his doing.  Remus quickly stripped down to his skivvies, then went upstairs to prepare for his transformation.  He sat down on one of the large four-posters, and looked out of the window, shivering in the chilly December air.  He would have thought that the sliver of moonlight that glinted on the silver-white snow was gorgeous, but he was too busy dreading what was to come.  Letting out a plaintive sigh, he got his mind ready for the worst.

            'Oh, stop wallowing in your own self-pity already,' said Sirius' disembodied head, which was floating in the doorway.

            'What are you doing here!  It is way too close to my transformation for you to be here.  Get out!  Leave before I turn!'

            'Nonsense, Moony,' James told him, stepping out from beneath the cloak, setting down a small, plump rat.

            'You didn't honestly think we'd let you go through this alone, did you?'  Sirius said with a playful grin, 'This is _way_ too much fun, anyway.'

            'Well, I thought that-'

            'Remus, we're the marauders, we always stick together.'  James said, looking sincere.

            'But you need to transform, now-' Remus began breathing hard, and then stiffened, silhouetted in the winter moonlight.

            'Er- James, we'd better hurry, he looks hungry.'  Sirius said, transfixed by Remus.  They had never seen Remus transform from human eyes, nor did they want to.  With two small pops, a large stag and a shaggy black dog stood in their places.  Even though Remus still twisted with agony as his joints and muscles re-arranged themselves, he couldn't help but smile inwardly at what wonderful friends he had.  

****

            A few hours earlier in the hospital wing, Lily had lay in her bed stubbornly staying awake.  _Two and a half days, yeah right, Lily thought to herself.  James had left just before dinner and hadn't come back.  Although she was still angry with him, and had no intention of speaking to him for at least a week, she still missed the company.  The over-bearing matron had forced her to stay an extra day, just because her nose was still just a bit red.  She couldn't believe that that woman had made her miss Binns' exam, it was James' fault really, but at least Remus would have to take it with her._

            Remus had been very quiet for quite some time, and Lily wished he would come over and talk to her again, since the matron was contentedly humming in her office at the time.  She wondered what was wrong with him anyway, he seemed to get sick a lot with some sort of migraine headaches, but every time she tried to ask anyone, they would just smile mysteriously.

            As she heard the matron bustling over towards her bed, she screwed her eyes shut, and feigned sleep.  Madam Pomfrey felt her forehead, set a glass of water next to her bed, then twitched the curtains shut around her.  Lily opened her eyes again and sighed, she really was hungry, but didn't want to eat any of the things that James had brought for her.  

            Lily heard the matron talking in a low voice to Remus, so she got quickly up from her bed and quietly tiptoed as close to the curtains as she dared.    

            'Well, come on boy, it's time to go.'  She chanced a peek from the curtains, and saw Madam Pomfrey holding a grim-looking Remus by the arm, then Lily quickly let the curtain fall back, the matron was a little frightening sometimes.

            _Go?_  Lily thought, _go where?_  She looked out again, but saw no one.  Slightly puzzled, she listened intently, and heard two sets of footsteps, but still saw no one.  Lily was now very confused, but since it seemed that the matron had left with Remus, perhaps she could get out of bed and stretch her legs.  She made her way to the window, and glanced out at the sun peacefully going to rest beneath a blanket of snow.  

            As she looked out the window, her attention was drawn to the Whomping Willow.  She had always been confused by its existence on Hogwarts grounds.  Really, what purpose did it serve except to hit people violently, like poor Davey Gudgeon, his face was quite frightening now.  At least Madam Pomfrey was able to save his eye…

            She was watching the tree, when it started to creak noisily and flail its long branches.  Lily looked around for whatever had provoked it, but saw nothing, that is, she saw nothing until Remus and Madam Pomfrey appeared out of nowhere some twenty yards in front of it.  There was no mistaking the matron's large, starch white cap.  She watched as the matron picked up a long stick from the ground, and prod the tree near the bottom.  The vicious tree froze in midair, and Remus and the matron approached the tree.  Lily saw Remus disappear, then the matron's white cap seemed to descend and finally vanish within the depths of the tree.

            _What is happening?_  Lily thought, _what's really wrong with him?  And where are they_ going_?_  She decided to follow them, wanting to make sure that there was nothing life-threateningly wrong with Remus.  He looked so sad and pale when they were leaving.  

            After checking to make sure that the matron had _really_ left, Lily grabbed her cloak from her bedside table, put on her shoes, and quietly left the hospital wing.  She silently hoped that she wouldn't meet anyone along the way, as she was wearing one of those awful, papery hospital gowns that were open in the back.

              As Lily reached the Entrance Hall, she ducked quickly into the shadows of a suit-of-armour, because she saw the grand doors creaking open.  As she peered out, she saw the matron briskly walking in the direction of the hospital wing.  Lily heard her muttering under her breath about strange diseases and substandard housing.

            When she was positive that Madam Pomfrey was safely back in her office, Lily quickly escaped from the hall and out onto the cold, darkening grounds.  She walked, shivering, towards the old, gnarled tree.  As she approached, she noticed a large, black dog emerge from the Whomping Willow, followed by a dark stag.  Lily had never seen animals behaving like that.  She knew that there were deer in the Forbidden Forest, but she wondered where the dog had come from.  As she watched, a large, strangely shaped wolf joined the group, and Lily could have sworn she saw another, very small animal scurrying about their feet, though it was hard to tell in this light.  

            The wolf seemed to be sniffing the air and looking around, then it suddenly let out a howl that curdled Lily's blood, and began to run towards her at full speed.  The dog and the deer looked almost as surprised to see Lily as she was them.  It looked to her like the stag was giving directions to the other two, then he and the dog tore off after the wolf, and grabbed it by the scruff of its neck.  Lily had stood transfixed by this, too frightened to move, or even scream, and it was not until the rat had scampered up to her that she moved at all.  

            It didn't occur to her that the rat was now gone, and Peter stood in his place, she just registered Peter.

            'Peter?  What are you doing here?'  Was all Lily could think of to say.

            'I could say the same to you.  You need to get out of here, now!  It's not safe!'  Peter said, pushing her in the direction of the castle.

            'What's going on, Peter?'  She asked him, looking around him at the wolf, struggling to get away from the vice-like grip of the dog's teeth, as the deer painfully placed his antlers in the wolf's side.

            'Well, you see-er- that is…well, there was this wolf, and it got loose on the grounds, and, uh, well, me and Sirius, and James all are trying to catch it.  And we caught it!  See?  And it's rabid, so you really must get back in the castle in case it gets away.'  

            'Really?'  Lily asked interestedly, 'You mean James and Sirius are over there?' She stared at Peter increduously for a moment, then, with realisation dawning on her face, she asked loudly, 'When did you all become Animagi?  That's very advanced magic.'

            'Animagi?  We didn't become Animagi.  You're making things up now, Lily.'

            'But you just now said that James and Sirius and you captured the wolf.  The only living creatures out here besides you and me are the wolf, the dog, and the stag.'

            'Uh- I didn't say anything about James and Sirius, you're hearing things.  I don't know what you're talking about.'

            'Don't play stupid, Peter.  You were the rat, I'll bet Sirius is the dog, so… James is the stag.  But where did that wolf come from, Peter?  That's not even a wolf, anyway, it's a werewolf, and- OH!' Lily's eyes went wide as she realised what was wrong with Remus.

            'Werewolf?  Is that what that is?  Well, aheh heh heh, that explains why it was acting like that… but that's not James and Sirius.  I am out alone… for a walk under the full moon…next to the Forbidden Forest… with a werewolf…'  Peter trailed off, realising how unlikely his story was becoming.

            'Just give it up Peter. I know everything now.  But poor Remus!  That explains where he goes every month, doesn't it.'  Lily said, more to herself than to Peter.

            'You're wrong!'  Peter burst out, 'Remus isn't a werewolf!'

            'Then where is he?'  Lily asked, already knowing the answer.

            'He's in the hospital wing… with you…with, with you!'  Peter said, trying to make his story work.  James and Sirius were dragging Remus back towards the tree.  Lily winced as one of the longer branches hit James, but he seemed not to notice.

            'I was just in the hospital wing, and I saw Madam Pomfrey take Remus down into that mad tree.  I know what I saw.'

            'Madam Pomfrey is the werewolf!'  Peter told her wildly, 'and then Remus is…well he's back up in his dormitory!'

            'Alright Peter, that's enough.  If you don't quiet down I'll curse you 'til your face looks like mine did three days ago.'  She said, dragging him by the arm towards the castle.  'Now you're going to tell me everything, Peter.'

****

            James dragged himself up to the Gryffindor common room with Sirius at his heels.  That had been awful.  Poor Lily had nearly been eaten by Remus, and now there was no hope of her _ever_ talking to him again.  Remus had been particularly violent after smelling human blood, and had beat up him and Sirius quite a lot on their way back to the Whomping Willow.  They had remained with him until the moon went down again, then left him for Madam Pomfrey to collect.  They hadn't seen Peter again, and hoped he was OK.

            '_Hydra,' James muttered, clambering up into the common room, with Sirius following.  Expecting it to be deserted, James was surprised to find, upon entering, Peter cowering and whimpering on the floor, with Lily standing over him, her wand pointing at his chest._

            'You'd better tell me, you little rat, or I'll give you another dose of _Rictusempra!  I mean it Peter, I know you're not telling me the whole truth and-'_

            'I am, Lily, just please don't do it again,' he wheezed.

            'Oh, no you're not.  I know that you and Sirius and James are Animagi and- Oh! Hi James.'  She said, blushing as she noticed them entering.

            'Well, James, it looks like she found out our little secret.  Perhaps we'll have to memory charm her.'  Sirius said, grinning.

            'Lily!  Are you alright?!'  James asked, ignoring Sirius and running over to her, 'you could have been killed, or eaten, or bitten!'

            'I'm fine James.  But you were so _brave, saving me from Remus like that. And look,' she told him, gently touching his forehead, 'you've been hurt.'_

            'OH HO!'  Sirius scoffed, 'and I suppose I did nothing?  That's it Peter, let's go.'  Sirius picked Peter up off the floor and dragged him angrily up the stairs.  

            'Lily, I'm so sorry that you were almost killed.  I should have never let that happen.'  James said, looking intensely into her eyes.

            'It's alright, it was my own fault.  And you _saved me.  I should be apologising for getting _you_ hurt.'  She looked back at him, softly stroking his forehead, where a bruise was now blossoming.  James slowly put his fingertips on her cheek, and they looked at each other for a moment, very caught up in their own little romantic world._

            'I don't believe you!  Taking all the credit for the things that _I did!  You didn't even really __do anything.  I'm the one who had to grab his neck with my _teeth_.  All that you did was prod him along with your _pansy antlers_!  What's up with your stupid horns anyway, all they do is get in the way- oh, hello Lily, I hope you're quite alright- and what about my gums, eh?!'  Sirius yelled, having bounded back down the stairs, now ferociously bearing his teeth and pointing to his "sore" gums.  James sat on the couch, staring in amazement at just how intrusive Sirius could be.  'I'm going to the hospital for some pain-killers.  The matron usually doesn't ask too many questions.'  Sirius continued._

            'I think I'll go with you, Sirius.'  Lily said, looking sadly at James, 'Madam Pomfrey doesn't know where I went, and I think I'll get off easier if I go back.'

            'But-,' James sputtered, 'but you just got here, you don't have to leave!'

            'Oh, come off it James, it's not like you were going to kiss the girl or anything.  Come on, Lily, I'll escort you.'  Sirius told Lily.

            James stood, mouthing angrily at Sirius, not sure what to say.  He finally moved, and walked up the spiral staircase, furiously gripping the railings all the way up.  

            'I'm going to_ kill him!'  James said entering his dormitory with a slam of the door._

END OF CHAPTER FIVE

A/N: As promised we didn't post this chapter until receiving fifteen reviews. Thanks for pulling through and reviewing our story! :) Special thanks to Empress Genevieve who has reviewed our story so nicely and every single chapter. Thank you Wo Ai Ni16,

Callie Anne, and themidnightangel for being such loyal readers. And finally thank you and hi there Konoko, Romulus and Fuzzystar! It's great to have new reviewers!

We hope for more reviews and that you're enjoying the story thus far.

This chapter ended up being a little darker than the others but we think we met all the darkness with humor. 

We're working on chapter six right now and will post it Sunday the 16th if we have at least five more reviews. (We would post sooner but we're both going out of town together.) Thanks again!

-Hillary and Jess


	6. Chapter 6 James' 'New Best Friend'

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

Dates, Pranks, and Marauders  
  


**Chapter VI:  James' "New Best Friend" **

Remus, Sirius and Peter sat on one of the red Gryffindor couches watching Lily and James "being a couple." It was a sickening sight, really. Every other moment one of them would touch the other, then one thing would lead to another and eventually James would have Lily's perfume or lipstick on him. Sometimes they'd get so into it that he'd end up with both.

Sirius watched them huffily with his arms crossed, a scowl working it's way onto his face. Lily and James had only been a couple for two days and they were already wrangling away like they were expecting the world to end tomorrow and were exhibiting their last rights. 

            'It's just ridiculous the way they keep going on like this. Do you think it'd hurt them not to touch for longer than five seconds?!' He complained to no one in particular.

            'I feel like crap…' Remus said as he rubbed his aching shoulder.

            'Well, I bet they won't do it anymore after a while. I mean, they can't keep on like this for longer than a week, can they?' Peter asked Sirius, knowing it was best to ignore Remus when he complained, since he'd bite at you for pitying him if you asked about his health.

            'Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. They're going to become an old married couple and he's going to totally neglect us. That's what happens when you get too involved with a female. It's hostile takeover! First she'll start by making him be with her at all times. Then she'll begin telling him what to wear and what to eat. Then she'll start complaining about 'boys' nights out' and finally she'll completely isolate him from everyone and thing but her.  It's always the same story.'  Sirius muttered darkly, 'I'm telling you, I've seen it happen before!'

            'Is that why you've never had a girlfriend for longer than a day?' inquired Peter innocently. Sirius, being a little taken aback by this question, not to mention affronted, simply stared at Peter for a moment before continuing on complaining about James' new status as a 'steady boyfriend.'

            'I've already said goodbye to my weekend. It's too late to get a date, and James will surely be too _preoccupied to hang out with us.' He said watching as James whispered something into Lily's ear, making her eyes go wide and her mouth upturn into a laughing grin._

            'You can hang out with me and Remus,' Peter piped. 

            'Oh Goodie…' Sirius said flatly. Remus would be sickly and laid up all weekend, and Peter, well- he was a nice guy and all, but he wasn't all that much fun one-on-one.

            'Stop complaining, Sirius. You can find a date easy enough.' Remus said with a large stretch that made his sore back make a series of sick cracking noises. 'Ah…that's better.' He smiled as the other two looked on with disgust.

            'Oh yeah? Well, since you seem to know everything why don't _you_ tell me who I could go on a date with. And I mean someone who's not _just_ an intellectual, Moony. Any _babes free this weekend?' _

            'Well, there's Susan Nugent over there.' Remus said motioning over to the corner where there sat a fairly pretty brown-haired girl.

            'Susie Nugent? Are you mad? Remember the last time I went on a date with her? I accidentally turned into Padfoot when we were snogging and she's scared stiff of big animals, so I had to use that _humongous_ memory charm. I don't think it worked though… She still looks at me weird every time I see her.'

            'So? I bet she's forgotten all about it. Besides, I don't want to have to see you pouting all weekend over James and his 'new best friend.'' Remus smirked while Sirius mouthed silently at him.

            'Fine, I'll ask Susie Nugent…' Sirius said crossly as he got up to make his way towards Susan.

****

            'Oh, come on, you _know_ you want to.'  Sirius wheedled.

            'Actually, no, I really don't.  I know it's hard to believe, but not every girl wants to date you, Sirius.'

            'But how can you say 'no' to these puppy dog eyes?'  Sirius asked, pointing pitifully to his pale blue eyes, which were currently filling with crocodile tears. 

            'No.' She spun on her heel and began to walk away.  Remus and Peter, with nothing better to do, watched Sirius making a fool of himself, and laughed a little too loudly at her last remark.  Sirius shot the two of them a dark look, then followed after her, catching her by the arm and making her listen. 

            'Oh, come on.  If you don't I'll be all alone this weekend.  James is busy with Lily and you're the only girl I want to go out with.'  Sirius tried playing the sympathy card, but instead of yielding, she snorted.

            'I find that hard to believe.  You are so cheesy.  That's not going to work.'

            'Alright, alright, its true, I didn't actually mean any of that.'

            'Well, why would I ever want to go out with you, then?  You're cocky, vulgar, and totally insincere.  You lie _all_ the time.'

            'You know, you're the only girl who's ever refused me like this.'  He said, trying to look appealing.  

            'And I won't be the last.'  She scoffed at him.  Sirius laughed, thinking that she was joking, then tried a different approach.

            'So…you don't have a date this weekend, neither do I.  You're good-looking, smart, pretty, funny, hot, uh- clever, beautiful…therefore we should go out.'

            'Last time we went out _you_ turned into a _dog_ when we were _kissing_.  It was sick.  I still get disturbing mental pictures every time I _see_ you.  You know how I _hate_ large, slobbering animals.'  Susie Nugent said, looking disgusted at the very thought.

            'You're not supposed to remember that!  And- wait, I do _not_ slobber!'  He told her indignantly.  'I don't even want to go with you anymore!'  He turned away from her looking disgusted.

            'Oh, no you don't,' she said, looking equally angry, 'we're going!  And we're going to have one hell of a time!'

            'Really?  OK.'  Sirius said, becoming perfectly calm once again.  He looked over superiorly at Remus and Peter as if to say, 'told you so.'  In fact he was so caught up in his victory, that he didn't even notice that James and Lily had abandoned their new favourite pastime to listen in on his conversation.  

Sirius smirked, wagged his eyebrows at Peter, then retreated up the stairs, humming in a very self-satisfied way.  

'Oh, I guess Sirius has a _date_ this weekend,' James said, spitting out 'date' as though it were poisonous, he was bitter that Sirius always had a date, and he rarely did, then he remembered that he now had a full-time girlfriend, 'Oh, well.  That leaves more time for us, Lily.'

Remus and Peter rolled their eyes in unison.

'I think I need a heavy pain-killer,' Remus told the others monotonously, popping his neck with a quick twist of his head.  The other three cringed.

'I think I need an anti-nausea potion,' Peter said, eyeing both Lily and James, and Remus' abnormal bone-popping.

Remus got up, stretching once more, and began to make his way to the portrait hole.

'Hey, Remus, where are you going?'  James asked him.

'Eh?  Oh, I already told you.  Hospital wing.  Pain-killers.'

'Oh, right.'  James said solemnly looking at Lily.  In addition to his usual creaking bones, he had several large gashes across his back that weren't visible.  He looked like someone had taken a whip to his back relentlessly, and it was partially due to James' and Sirius' forceful handling of him, in addition to his own self-mutilation.  

'You know, James, I really kicked my ass this time.'  He said with pain in his eyes.  

'I'll go with you Remus,' Peter offered kind-heartedly.  

'No, I'd prefer to go alone.'  Remus replied glumly.  

'Oh, well, when you get back, can you help me with my Defence against the Dark Arts essay?'

'Fine, Peter,' Remus sighed resignedly, then he left slowly, cracking his elbow as he clambered out of the portrait hole.  Everyone but Peter had finished their menial amount of homework, so he went and sat all alone at a table to struggle through it.  

'Is he _always_ like that,' Lily asked James quietly.

'Who, Peter?  You know he's kind of slow, he always takes forever on his homework.'  James said, misinterpreting her question.

'No, Remus.  Is he always like that after, well, you know.'  She asked again.

'Oh, yeah, but not usually this bad.'  James replied.

'It's my fault, isn't it?'

'What?  It's not your fault, why would you think it was your fault?  It's not _really_ your fault…' James stuttered nervously, obviously trying not to tell the whole truth.

'I feel really guilty.'  Lily told him, her eyes were boring into James, and started to make him feel guilty as well.

'Why?  Aheh, heh, there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.  Of course, Remus doesn't usually end up like that but… no, don't feel guilty.  So what about the quidditch match, eh?  This Saturday, going to come and watch me?'  He asked her quickly, trying to change the subject.

'James, I _always_ come to watch the games.  But really, d'you think Remus is alright?  I think I should go and apologise, you know that it's my fault.'  

'Don't go!'  James said miserably, it seemed that every time he and Lily got a private moment, one of his friends would always mess things up, 'I really want to spend some time with you, Remus'll be fine.'

'I'm sorry, James, but I really think that I need to go.  Remus is your friend, and mine, too.  You can understand what I need to do, can't you?'  She looked sad to go, but determined nonetheless.  James' thoughts were very apparent.

_Women, _he thought angrily, _I just can't win, can I?  If we do what _I_ want to do, she's mad, if we do what _she_ wants to do, she's mad.  If I let her go see Remus, I lose.  If I don't let her go see Remus, I look like an insensitive prat, and I still lose.  Why is this so hard?  Sirius never said relationships were this complicated, then again, Sirius has never actually _had_ a real relationship._  James then realised that he had been unseeingly staring at Lily the whole time, and now had a glazed sort of expression on his face.  He thought that he must of looked mentally subnormal, as he kept twitching his eye spastically.   

'So?'  Lily asked, looking at him with her arms crossed.  Had she been wearing glasses, she probably would have looked over them condescendingly at him.  James screwed up his mouth, and mustered every ounce of will-power he had developed through quidditch, and finally said in a very whipped but irate fashion,

'Yes, dear.'  

Lily looked at James as if to say 'dear?'  She then gave him a swift kiss on the cheek.

'Thanks for being so understanding.'  She smiled at him, making his heart leap up in his chest.  As soon as she was gone, he stood up, sighed, then walked over to help Peter.  There was really nothing better to do.

****

            Madam Pomfrey tutted loudly at Remus for not informing her of his extensive injuries.  He didn't want pity, and tended not to tell people even when he was badly injured to avoid sympathy.  

            'These are some of the worst gashes I've seen you give yourself in a long time.  What did you _do_?  I can't even see _how_ you could have possibly bitten yourself on the _neck_.'  She scolded him angrily.

            'I don't know.  I must have scratched myself on something.'  Remus lied.  He always felt bad about lying; he lied to Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, his parents, and to some extent his friends.  

            'Well, if you had showed me this earlier, I could have healed it in a second, but now that you've gotten it infected, you'll have to stay the night.'  Madam Pomfrey told him matter-of-factly.  

            'I really am fine.  I don't really need to stay the night, I-' Remus protested in vain. 

            'Nonsense.  You're in a terrible state.  I don't know why you didn't come to me sooner, Remus.'  The matron said, smoothing his hair and handing him hospital issue pyjamas.  She snapped the curtain shut behind her as she bustled off to prepare some awful paste to heal his deep lacerations.  

            Remus heard Lily's voice from behind the curtain as he finished resignedly putting on his pyjama bottoms and laid down on his stomach to wait for the matron to apply her salves.  

            'What can I do for you.  Is there something still wrong with your face?'  Remus heard her asking Lily worriedly.  If he had looked out from the curtain, he would have seen the matron seize Lily's face and begin checking over her.  

            'Er- yes, I think it's still a bit swollen and it stings some.  I was wondering if perhaps you could look over it.  After you've finished with Remus, of course.'  Lily asked her politely.

            'Yes, all right.  Go ahead and wait over on that bed next to Mr. Lupin, and I'll be over in a moment.'

            Lily walked around Madam Pomfrey to get to her own bed, just as the matron pulled the curtain back from Remus' bed.  Remus tried his hardest not to let Lily see his back, but it was too late.  She gasped audibly as she saw the raking cuts that swept across his back, but quickly stifled herself and continued onward.

            'Well, Remus, you'll have to wait just a moment.  It seems that I'm out of nettles and so I'm afraid that I'll have to run off to the Potions Master's office.  Will you be fine while I'm away?'   She asked him, acting as though he might break if she left him alone for even a second.

            'Yes, ma'am.  I think I'll manage.'  Remus said miserably.  After checking his temperature again and giving him a good 'tut,' she hurried off.

            Lily pulled the curtain aside and sat down next to Remus.  

            'I'm so sorry, Remus,' she told him, pulling her knees up to her chest and giving him a sideways glance.

            'It's fine, really.  It doesn't hurt at all.'  Remus scrambled away from her so that his back would be completely out of Lily's view, but only managed to touch his gaping open wounds to the sheets, causing him to wince in excruciating agony.

            'It doesn't look like it doesn't hurt,' she said, trying not to look at the damage she had caused.

            'I guess it does hurt, a bit,' Remus said, attempting valiantly to make it seem like it was a mere scratch, 'OK, Lily, it hurts a lot, but please don't tell the others how bad it is.  Can we maybe not talk about this anymore?'  He added curtly, letting her know that he wasn't going to discuss it anymore.  There followed an awkward silence that continued for a long time, while Lily looked like she might cry, and Remus stared out the window with haunted eyes.  Finally, Remus broke the hush that had fallen over the hospital wing,

            'So, you and James _finally_ got together.'

            'Yeah,' Lily replied, blushing furiously while smiling.

            'It sure took you long enough, I mean really-' but their conversation came to an end when they both heard the sharp footsteps of the matron clopping noisily down the stone-flagged corridor.

            'I'd better go,' Lily said quickly, hoping to escape before the matron forced another putrid potion down her throat to help with the 'swelling' on her nose.

            'But what about your face?  Don't you need something for the swelling on your nose?'  Remus asked concernedly.

            'Oh, I lied.  I just wanted to see you, and the matron wouldn't let me in unless I had a reason.'  

            'Really?  I didn't know you had that in you, Lily.  I really think we underestim-' but Remus was cut off by Madam Pomfrey's harping voice.

            'What are you children doing?  You need rest!  You need to lie down.  And you, Mr. Lupin, need to get those cuts off of the sheets.  You're getting all sorts of bacteria in those.'  Lily made for the door, only to be grabbed by the back of her robes and dragged back to the bed.

            'My nose feels fine now, Madam Pomfrey, can I please go back to the dormitory.'  Lily asked pleadingly.

            'No, your nose still looks a bit red to me.  You'll have to stay the night, I'm afraid.'

            'But- I have homework to do, and it's honestly fine, there's no need for me to stay at all!'  Lily told her, pointing to her nose to show just _how_ fine it was.  

            'Nonsense, you're staying here the rest of the night.'

            'But-'

            'No buts.  Get into your pyjamas, and I'll get you an Anti-swelling Solution.  And you too Mr. Lupin, you're staying as well.'  Lily and Remus groaned together as Lily retreated behind her curtain to change.  The Anti-swelling solution was one of the worst tasting potions Lily had ever had the misfortune to come across.  After opening the curtain, she could have sworn that she had heard a barking laugh from somewhere in the dark corners of the room.

****

            'Where _is_ she?'  James asked irritably.  Lily had left for the hospital wing more than an hour ago, and had not yet returned.  

            'I know where she is.'  Sirius snickered, 'She's in the hospital wing.'

            'It was a rhetorical question.  I _know_ where she is.  I want to know why she isn't back yet.' 

            'Aaaaah.  I know why.  And I shall reveal all to you…for a large sum of money,' Sirius said, raising his eyebrows, placing the tips of his fingers together, and trying to look mysterious and omniscient, like their insect-like Divination 'professor.'

            'Thank you Professor Trelawney, now, why don't you tell us what you see with your all seeing inner-eye?  How _do_ you know anyway?'  James asked, laughing at Sirius' convincing impression.

            'Please do not ask me to reveal to you my strange and bizarre metaphysical ways.  But now, my child, the gold.  I can only make accurate predictions with a galleon in my palm.'  He said in a soft, misty sort of voice, holding his hand out towards James, his fingers eagerly inviting the money.  

            'As much as I trust your inner-eye, to tell the truth, I don't think it's worth _any_ money.'

            'Aw, come on Jamsie.  You're rich enough; your parents just sent your allowance last week.   Besides, I lost a bet last month on your quidditch match, and the Slytherins just don't take IOU's.'

            'You lost a bet?  But Gryffindor played last month… and we won.  Did you bet against us or something?'  

            'Well, yes that,' Sirius said shiftily, looking uneasy and guilty, 'you see, last month was when you were sick, and the Syltherins gave me excellent odds that you couldn't win.  I _needed_ money, you must understand, James. Dervish and Banges got in those new longer lasting stink pellets and I just couldn't help myself!  What would you have done?'

            'I would have bought them, Sirius, with the money that I _save_.'  James said, unwilling to believe that anyone could be as stupid as to place a bet with the Slytherins.  Sirius stared at him for a moment, trying to come up with some sort of witty response to this statement of truth.

            'Don't bother me with your _logic_!  You _know_ I lack common sense.  That's why I need you to always be there, pointing out my faulty judgment!'  Sirius said, trying to act as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.

            'Anyways, where is Lily?  She's been gone an awfully long time.'  

            'She's sleeping with Remus.'  Sirius told him simply.

            '_What?_'  James asked, his voice cracking like a pre-pubescent thirteen year old.

            'In the hospital wing, duh.'  Sirius sighed, making his best 'duh' face.

            'Did you really just say 'duh?'' James snickered.

            'Yeah, but don't you want to hear what your girlfriend is doing to Remus?'

            'I can't believe you said 'duh,' I haven't heard anyone say that since I was eight.  You're such a dweeb.'   James said, now wiping tears of hilarity from under his glasses.

            'Dweeb?  What are you, in first year?  I think 'duh' was a very appropriate exclamation.'  Sirius said, getting playfully defensive.

            ''Duh' is never appropriate at any time or place.'  

            'Oh I believe it is.'  Sirius and James continued bickering for a long time afterwards, eventually forgetting entirely about where Remus and Lily were or what they were doing.

****

            'Do you think she's asleep yet-' Lily hissed at Remus.

            'Shush!'  Came the omnipresent voice from the end of the ward.

            'Nope,' Remus replied simply.

'Remus I just want you to know that I'll never judge you for-' Lily tried again, even more quietly.

'Shush!' 

Lily and Remus both glared in annoyance.

'Remus?  I just can't sleep because I feel so guilty.'  Lily leaned out of her bed towards Remus, whispering almost inaudibly.

'It's fine Lily.  The fact that you still remain my friend after finding out really means a lot to-'

'Shush!' 

Both of them signed resignedly, and then laid on their backs in unison, staring at the ceiling, until,

'Remus?'  Lily said far too loudly.  The matron had finally had enough, she jerked their curtains open in annoyance, then said through gritted teeth,

'Go-to-sleep.  _NOW_!'

'Yes ma'am,' they both squeaked together.

As they sat in the utter solitude of the ward at eight o'clock on a Thursday, they both berated themselves for ever having dragged themselves into the hospital.  

END OF CHAPTER SIX

A/N:  Funny anecdote time! This is very awkward indeed.  As we are editing this chapter, small children surround us- children we don't know, nor have in fact ever seen in our lives before.  It's just downright creepy.  You'd be frightened too if you were editing, when all of a sudden, you're encompassed by eight large unblinking eyes that say 'nuthin.'  Just thought we should tell you what pains we're going through to get this chapter posted.  

Alright, enough of that… So, this is the new chapter, we wrote it on the plane to Disney World (yay for the glitters of commercialism!!).  Actually we've written all but the last chapter of the story while at Disney World, so much for rides and shows, though we're not going to post all at once (what fun would that be?).  We are eternally happy from the overwhelming number of reviews we got while on vacation (well, it's not all that many, but hey, it's overwhelming to us…).  First of all thanks to everyone who has reviewed for us.  Thank you SO much to all of our new reviewers: Star, Angel, JulieWeasley, JamesLilyRocks, reas-chen, Moonlight Pearl, Too Tired, and manda.  

Moonlight Pearl:  Well, we'll tell you this: James will not directly _threaten_ Sirius anymore.  We're not going to say much more than that now, but we'll post the new chapters soon.  There are many adverbs to describe the way Sirius has dealt with the situation James is in, and nicely is not one of them.  We're just giving him a little payback.  Seriously though, we love Sirius to death, he's our absolute favourite character, and we'll be writing a new story soon, that doesn't have so much of James and Sirius bashing.  

Too Tired:  Happy Birthday!  We hope we've got this in on or before your birthday, but if not, then Happy belated birthday.

Bye everybody, we hope you liked the chapter, we'll update again when we get 32 reviews (Hillary chose this number, no one quite knows why….).  We aren't trying to hold back the story for those of you reading it, but if we don't know that anyone else is reading, there's no point in posting.  Hillary and I can enjoy it ourselves without posting.  Thanks to everyone whose reviewed so far, it means the world to us :).  

Sorry, one more note.  

By the way, we cried as we wrote chapter five, because we felt so sorry for poor Remus.  Apparently no one else was sad about this… I feel sorry for Remus.  We also cried when James says his cheesy 'We're the marauders, we always stick together,' line.  It sounds like a very cheesy line, but if you think about it long enough, it might make you cry as well.  Then again, Hillary began weeping on the ET ride…. (BUT THAT WAS OUT OF FEAR!!!- cries Hillary when reading what I just typed).  So anyways, the whole point was that our story is deep, man, as deep as the Mariner's Trench (or whatever that deep trench is called).  Well, we have to go, so bye-bye again.

+++

Hillary here-I was just checking over the story when I noticed that we neglected to thank WoAiNi16 and Midnightangel! I'm so terribly sorry we forgot you! We meant to but forgot to actually put your names in. We love you two for being such great and loyal reviewers! Thank you!

Oh! And Wanda, we updated before seeing your review. Thankyou!


	7. Chapter 7 A Very Sirius Date Part One

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros. 

A/N:  Hillary is mortally offended and embarrassed by all of the Sirius puns that are contained within.  They make her cringe and writhe in agony, she wants everyone to know that she is in no way affiliated with the Sirius puns, siriusly.  [Hillary and Jess now laugh manically…]  

**Dates, Pranks, and Marauders**

****

**Chapter VII- A Very Sirius Date (Part I)**

            'Your date is in five minutes; aren't you going to get ready?'  Remus asked as Sirius read some Muggle magazine while playing loud Beatles music on the record-player that he had brought from home.

            'I was born ready,' Sirius told him, performing an air-drum solo with flair.

            'Oh, don't give me those sorts of lines.  Why do you _listen_ to that old stuff anyway?'  

            'It's not _old_.  Besides, it's really good,' Sirius stated, still singing along to _Revolution_ and now playing air-guitar.  Remus walked over to the record-player and took the stylus off of the record.

            'Hey!  I was listening to that!'  Sirius protested angrily.

            'You need to get ready.  I don't think that Susan will be very happy with you if you show up late and in your condition.  Have you even brushed your hair at all today?'  Remus nagged at him like an old woman.

            'No, I haven't,' Sirius said resignedly, getting lazily off his bed and walking over to the mirror.  He swiftly ran his hand through his hair in one motion, then went to find his cloak.

            'Is that really _all_ you're going to do?'  Peter asked him timidly.

            'Yep, I'm perfect,' he said with perfect confidence.  He then bid goodbye to Peter and Remus and left with one minute to spare.  James and Lily were gone, and he really didn't know or care where they were, alright, well, maybe he cared a little.  You know what?  He cared a lot, but he really wasn't going to dwell on that.  After all, Susie Nugent was waiting; she may not have liked large animals, but at least she was cute.

****

            'So,' Susan said coldly, 'you finally showed up.  I thought that you weren't coming.' 

            'I'm right on time,' Sirius declared, pointing to his watch.

            'You were _supposed_ to be early,' she said, crossing her arms in the doorway.

            '_I_ show up _on time_.  I told you seven o'clock, not six forty-five, not seven-o-five.   Can we just leave now?'  He asked her, getting annoyed.  

            Sirius held out his arm to her, but instead of taking it, she just looked at it, sniffed, and brushed past him down the stairs.  Sirius stared after her for a moment, then cursed silently at his bad judgment, and followed suit.  

            'Well don't go on our date without me!'  He told Susan's back, catching up to her, 'You don't even know where we're going yet.'  Susan stopped on the step to wait for him, then sniffed again.  That was really beginning to get annoying.

            'So, do you want to know where we're going?'  Sirius asked, hoping silently to get her to stop her cold revenge.  She sniffed yet again in reply.

            'Can you stop with that already?  It's kind of creepy, really.'  Sirius asked, no-longer hiding his frustration.  She now glared openly at him, it seemed that no matter what Sirius did, Susan Nugent just got angrier.  

            'Well,' he began, ignoring her entirely, 'we're going into Hogsmeade.'

            'How?'  She said, still looking perfectly indifferent, bordering on loathing, 'It's not a Hogsmeade weekend.  Or didn't you know that already?'

             'What is _wrong_ with you?  I'm trying to make you have a good time tonight.  I don't really like you, and you certainly don't like me- though I can hardly see how that's possible.'  He posed for the invisible audience at this last remark, 'anyway, can you just stop with the glaring and the loathing and the _sniffing_?'  _Man is that _creepy_ when she does that_ he added as an afterthought; he didn't think it wise, however, to test her patience again.  With that he ushered her out of the portrait hole irritably.

            'Just where are you going dears?  Astronomy tower, I suppose?'  The fat woman in the pink silk dress asked them, winking.

            'No!'  They both said, a look of horror plastered on their faces.  

            It was very awkward for a long time afterwards; Susie Nugent refused to speak to Sirius, no matter what he said, and he refused to make eye contact with her or touch her in any way.  Sirius had never had a date like this, he was used to the girls lining up to get to go with him, and here was _Susan_, glaring…and sniffing.  He really was beginning to wish he had stayed back with injured Moony and boring Peter.

            When they had reached the statue of the one-eyed crone and stopped, Susie scoffed.

            'Now what?'  

            'You're really getting annoying.  I've done this hundreds of times, please just be quiet again, I like you better that way.'  Sirius walked purposefully towards the statue with his wand out.

            SMACK

            Sirius' progress was stopped short as his face collided with something very solid and very hard and very invisible.

            'Cor!' He barked, rubbing his reddening face, and looking very angry indeed.

            'Did you just run into that statue?'  Susie smirked.

            'No!  Maybe _you_ didn't notice the bloody wall round the thing!'  He gestured angrily to the very innocent-looking statue, 'See for yourself.'

            Susie held out her arm and walked towards the statue, making the journey very easily indeed, and with a complete void of invisible walls.  She touched the statue several times, as if to demonstrate to Sirius just _how_ easy it was to get to the statue, a look of mock wonder on her face.  Sirius tried again to walk towards the statue.

            SMACK

            'Damnit!'  He cursed loudly again, banging his clenched fists against the invisible wall, 'this is James' doing!'

            'That's just silly.  Do you expect me to believe that your best friend would charm a statue so that only you wouldn't be able to touch it?  I don't believe that at all.  You're just acting like a prat, and I don't think it's funny in the slightest, Sirius Black.'  Susie said cheekily.

            Sirius mouthed angrily at her, it looked as though he was having to exercise a lot of self-control not to hit her.

            'Let's just go, alright.  It would be _my pleasure_ if you would join me for a moonlit picnic, _Susan Nugent_.'  He said as politely as he could through bared teeth.

            'Fine, but where are you going to get any food?  You've made me miss dinner with all of your foolishness and time-wasting, now I'm hungry.'  Susie said, vengeance caking her voice.

            'Aha!  That I can do for sure.  Right this way,' Sirius held out his arm again, but Susan just scoffed again and waited for him to lead the way, 'Alright then, let's just go.'

            __

****

            James, Lily, Remus, and Peter laughed loudly as Sirius smacked into the wall for a second time.  This charm had been Remus' idea, and as it only affected Sirius, it made him look like an even bigger fool than he already did on his own.  The four of them had sat huddled in a corner beneath James' invisibility cloak, watching the fun, and thanks to Lily's silencing charm over the cloak, they could laugh as heartily as they wished.

            'Damnit!' They heard Sirius shout angrily as he pounded his fists furiously against the invisible wall.

            'I wouldn't want to be that wall right now,' Lily said simply.  

            'Oh, you have _no_ idea.  I've been on the wrong end of Sirius quite a few times.'  James said, smirking as he recalled several brawls that had begun as innocent arguments over quidditch.  

            'Sirius hit me one time…' Peter trailed off, wincing at the memory, 'I told him he was a prat and he punched me on the arm.'

            'He doesn't hit hard at all, you're such wimps,' Remus stated.

            'That's easy for you to say!  You don't feel pain!'  James exclaimed, waving his arms wildly beneath the cloak, hitting the other three in the process.

            'Shhh!  I think he's going to hit it again,' Remus said as Sirius gave the wall another swift kick before he stalked off with Susan Nugent.

            'Oooh, what are we going to do next?'  Lily asked excitedly. She was really starting to get into the whole pranking people thing, and she was _very_ good at it.  In fact she was becoming downright maniacal; it was really quite frightening.

            'It sounds like he's heading over to the kitchens,' Remus began.

            'Hey, we could charm that painting so he can't get in there either!'  Peter suggested eagerly.

            'No, if we do that then the plan won't work.  Sirius might just give up, then we can't do the _best_ part.' Remus said, 'regardless, we'd better hurry or he'll beat us there.'

****

            'I _do_ hope you'll be able to get us in here.  Or perhaps there'll be another invisible wall?'  Susie said snottily.  Sirius didn't really feel like honoring her with a reply, so instead he just tickled the pear on the still life that was the entrance to the kitchens.

            'After you,' Sirius said properly, bowing her into the kitchens with a very smug look on his face.  Susie stalked past him huffily, and crossed her arms.  

            'Ah!  Mr. Black, Mr. Black!  We is not seeing you in such a _long_ time.  What can we gets you, sir- oh and miss as well!'  A particularly homely house elf had seized Sirius round his feet, practically dragging on the ground.  He shuffled away quickly, then bowed deeply to the both of them.  Susie looked disgusted at the appearance of the house-elves, and nervously backed up towards the opposite wall.

            'Come on Winkle, I was just in here this morning!  Did you all really miss me that much between then and- what is wrong with you _now_,' he said, seeing Susie's look of horror.  

            'Oh,' said Winkle the house-elf, his ears falling drastically and his eyes drooping, 'we is very sorry that we is offending you, we is just- we is just-just…' poor Winkle then burst into loud gasping sobs.  Sirius wheeled on Susie.

            'Now look what you've done!_'_  The house-elf cried even harder, 'No, no, not you, Winkle, that was directed at_ miss_ over there,' Sirius explained, now kneeling down next to the elf and helping him to compose himself, 'look, d'you think you could give us a picnic basket, er- kind of quickly.  I think that the miss over there is terrified or disgusted by everything she sees, and it looks like you fall under the category of 'everything.''

            'What, sir?  I is not understanding, what does sir mean, Mr. Black?'  Winkle squeaked, drying his eyes on his tea-towel toga.

            'Er- she's,' Sirius lowered his voice, 'she's really frightened of you.'

            'She is frightened of us, sir?'  Another elf piped up.

            'Yes, so if you could perhaps hurry, then I'll just take her out of here…' Sirius trailed off as he saw what the house-elves were now doing.

            'Miss no need be frightened,' Winkle said uncertainly, as he and a large group of elves surged towards Susie, 'we is very friendly, we is not hurting you miss.'  Susie shrieked as the elves went towards her, and fortunately for her, Sirius caught her as she fainted.

            'Is- is miss alright?'  Winkle whispered to Sirius, 'Is she fainting, because of- of _us_.'

            'No, not at all, Winkle,' Sirius said jovially, propping Susie up against the wall, 'she just has, er, low blood sugar, and she needs lots of food.'

            'Oh!  We is taking care of that, sir, we is surely taking care of that,' a second elf piped merrily, before the whole lot of them bustled off to prepare a extra-large, over-stuffed basket for Sirius and the miss.  If Sirius hadn't been in such a good mood about Susan's timely fainting, he probably would have seen a group of elves talking upwards to an invisible source.  However, instead, he was having a nice long laugh about Susie's fate.  

****

            'Could we see that for a moment?'  Lily kindly asked a particularly skinny elf.

            'Oh certainly, Miss Lily, why is you wanting it,' the elf asked curiously, talking to Remus, Peter, James and Lily under the Invisibility cloak.

            'We just want to make sure that its _extra _good for them,' James said sinisterly, fighting the urge to laugh maniacally in sweet revenge. 

            'OK,' smiled the elf, bobbing his head merrily, before skipping off in another direction.

END OF CHAPTER SEVEN

A/N:  If we were less mature, and were into 'web-speak,' we would probably do a 'cliffie dance' right now.  However, none of the above are true, so instead it will suffice to say, CLIFFHANGER, HAH!  Sorry, Hillary really needed to get that out of her system.  Now we will say that the next chapter is so hilarious that it is quite difficult to read aloud without severe pain.

Ok! As we stated, we wouldn't and didn't post the 7th chapter until we had gotten 32 reviews, and we now have 33! Thank you so much for reviewing!

Special thanks to Empress Genevieve for being our most loyal reviewer; reviewing 5 out of 6 chapters. Thank you Star for reviewing our story twice and putting us on your favourites list :) And finally, thank you to the new reviewers Rasberry Lipgloss, diesel baby and Megan. No es Alison (a.k.a. Carly) Thanks for the, erm, different review… 

We'll post chapter eight  "A Very Sirius Date (Part 2)" when we get, say, 40 reviews? That sound reasonable? 

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

            -Hillary and Jess


	8. Chapter 8 A Very Sirius Date Part Two

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros.

**Dates, Pranks, and Marauders**

****

****

**Chapter VIII- A Very Sirius Date (Part II)**

            Susie Nugent felt very sick indeed.  Her head was pounding, she could feel her blood in her veins, and her vision was hopelessly blurred.  The last thing she could remember was dozens of ugly faces running at her with malicious grins, and Sirius Black laughing at her the whole time.  She hoped sincerely that she was in the hospital wing.

            As everything swam lazily back into focus, Susie's headache worsened.  Far from being in any sort of bed, she was outside, on the grounds, in the snow, with Sirius Black.

            'Oh, good,' Sirius said, looking very disappointed, 'you're awake.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to drag you up to the castle, you were really heavy to drag out here you know.'

            'I am leaving!'  Susie said in disgust.  As she got up and started gathering her belongings, Sirius did some very quick reasoning.  If he let her go, then he could be rid of her several hours earlier than he could have ever hoped, then again, if James and the others saw a girl walk out on _him_, he could never live it down, not to mention that his reputation would be ruined forever.

            'Wait!'  Sirius said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back; his eyes looked haunted.

            'No!  Let go of me!'  Susie yelled, twisting away from him.

            'But I can't eat all this food on my own!'  Sirius lied, gesturing angrily at the picnic basket as he took off his cloak and scarf.  Susie now had to do some lightening fast thinking.  If she walked out on him, she would never have to deal with him again, but that would make her look petty, materialistic and rude; it would also make the other girls in her year question her judgment, to walk out on _Sirius Black_ of all people.

            'Fine,' she said, putting a smile on her face, and trying to look friendly.

            'Did you just smile?'  Sirius asked in disbelief, while loosening his tie slightly, 'I didn't know you _could_.'

            'Yes…I love to smile,' she said, speaking through a very forced, very toothy smile, 'Now, why don't we eat?'

            'Alright!'  Sirius said, eagerly tearing into the basket, happily bringing out a large turkey leg and beginning to gnaw the meat off in a very canine fashion.  Susie's bright smile began to fall into a grimace as she saw the meat flying in all directions.  Sirius quickly set the meat down and cleaned himself up, looking at her apologetically.  

            'Is it getting hot out here?'  He asked, taking his tie off, and adding it to the growing pile of outer clothes.

            'Excuse me?'  Susie questioned, shivering beneath her heavy cloak, 'it's below freezing out here!'  

            'Ah, so it is.'  Sirius rolled up his sleeves and wiped the sweat off his forehead, 'I'm burning up.  Maybe you want my cloak as well, you look kind of cold.'  He now began to take handfuls of snow and put them down the back of his shirt.

            'What are you _doing_?'  She asked in total confusion.

            'What?'  He asked, his voice muffled as his sweater vest rose over his face and was thrown carelessly on top of his scarf.

            'You just put snow in your shirt,' she stated uncertainly.

            'Ah…so I did.'  Sirius had now unbuttoned his shirt, and was fanning himself with his tongue hanging out.

            'What's going on, Sirius?  Is this supposed to be some sort of seduction?  Here we are, alone, it's dark, freezing, and here you are, claiming that you're _hot_ and stripping down.'  Susie said, edging away from him.

            'What?'  Sirius asked distractedly, tossing his shoes and socks away.  He now sat cross-legged on a charmed picnic blanket, in an undershirt and rolled up trousers, 'let's just, uh, finish the meal, shall we?'

            'Fine,' she said quickly, reaching for the basket, perhaps she could get this date over with more quickly than she had thought.  

            'Dear Lord!'  Sirius yelled, his head buried in the snow, 'why is it _SO_ hot out here?!  And why does this feel so _familiar_?'  He furiously attempted to roll his trousers up more, but succeeded only in falling to the ground in frustration.  He took off his belt, then realised that Susie was still there, so sat in a miserable heap in the snow near the picnic basket.

            Just then, Sirius noticed one of the pies, of its own accord, beginning to float out of the basket towards him.  As they both watched, it drifted to a vertical position, then forcefully flew straight at Sirius' face.  Fortunately, Sirius had enough sense and reflexive skill to duck, however, this caused the large, sticky pie to hit Susie squarely in the nose.

            Sirius was greatly torn between wanting to laugh and abject horror at what had happened to his date, which had now turned from a fiasco into an outright debacle.  They both sat in silence for a moment before cupcakes, which they hadn't even asked for, came shooting out of the basket in a very machine-gun like fashion. 

            'This is the worst date _ever_!  I'm never going on a date with you again!  You did this on purpose!'  Susie shrieked, wiping some icing out of her ear.  

            'Well that's _fine_ with me!'  Sirius yelled back, scooping up a handful of mashed potatoes and flinging them after her.  He then slipped in some sort of pudding, and went sprawling onto the ground.  As he laid in a pile of self-pity, just to add injury to insult, a large pitcher of hot chocolate poured angrily onto his face, 'I hate the world.'

            He laid on the ground, feeling like a Phoenix on its death bed, until he heard a familiar set of chuckles.  His eyes went wide and he sat bolt upright.

            'YOU!'  He cried out, pointing to the exact place where James and the others sat concealed beneath the Invisibility cloak, 'I _KNOW_ you're there.  I can't see you, but I'm going to hunt you down and wring your necks!'  It was very difficult to take him seriously when he was wearing very little clothing and was covered from head to toe in various food items.

            Lily stepped out from beneath the cloak and took a bow, laughing so hard that James had to support her.

            '_You're_ in on it, too!?  I don't care if you are a girl, you're going down!'  As threatening as this sounded, the others couldn't help but laugh as he slipped in some more pudding and fell down in his blind running rage.

            'WHERE ARE YOU!'  He said stupidly, icing now completely filling his vision.

            'To your left,' Remus told him as he ushered everyone to Sirius' right; there was really no need for the Invisibility cloak at this point.

            'Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!'  Sirius ran into a tree, knocking himself senseless.  All laughter stopped short, as they realised what a serious situation this could be.  After a spill like that, he could be seriously injured.  Lily ran over to him and flipped him over.

            'He's out cold,' she told the others with wide eyes, 'What should we do?'

            'I guess…I guess we'd better take him up to Madam Pomfrey,' James said. Remus rolled his eyes as James checked Sirius' pulse.

            'Is he _alive_,' Peter asked, nibbling a piece of pie he had retrieved from the picnic basket.

            'Oh come on, Peter, of course he's alive,' Lily told him, not looking so sure.  

            They all stared at Sirius' prone form for a few moments, no one daring to touch him.

            'Really, stop it all of you.  He's alive, he's just unconscious.  I swear…' Remus grumbled, getting out his wand and performing a simple levitating charm.  The others followed at a distance, still not completely convinced that Sirius wasn't dead.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHT

A/N:  Yes, this chapter is very short, but Hillary and Jess just _love_ the ending, and we'll have the next chapter up very soon.  Oh, and to add a bit of randomness to the fic, Jess would like to add that in the middle of writing this chapter, she found a bottle cap.  Hillary would like to add that she doesn't care about the bottle cap, for she has just completed 200 flips on juggling sticks (Yay! A new record!!!)…  But seriously now folks, we have over 20,000 words with this chapter, and are very proud indeed.  

            And Hillary would like to add also that running into a tree is no laughing matter. She's done it before and was in quite a lot of pain… :\

Ok! Now's the time to thank everyone very earnestly for reviewing. Thank you so much! You have no idea how much each review means to us! Thanks to our new reviewer Lauren (Hi there! *both of us wave*) Special thanks again to Empress Genevieve for being the most loyal reviewer we have! 

And thank you WoAiNi16, Manda, Star and Callie Anne for giving us multiple reviews. Every single one makes us incredibly happy.

We both hope to get at least 50 reviews before posting chapter 9, which is titled 'Waking up.' It's probably one of our very favourite chapters if not our very favourite. It **was **going to be our last chapter but then plans changed. Oh well, hope to see the 50 reviews soon! 


	9. Chapter 9 Waking Up

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros.

**Dates, Pranks, and Marauders**

****

**Chapter IX- Waking Up**

Remus tapped lightly on the door to the hospital wing for it to be opened quickly by the fastidious Madam Pomfrey.

'What do you need now, Mr. Lupin?' She said, before seeing Sirius' corpse-like form, floating some feet behind him.

'Well, you see, it's not me, this time, it's Sirius. He, uh, ran into a tree, completely by accident of course.' Remus told her shiftily. 

'Why is he covered in food like that? What were you children doing?' The matron asked, already pulling out her wand and performing a simple cleaning spell.

'Well, this is Sirius we're talking about,' James told her chuckling.

'Alright, go on. Take him away now.' Madam Pomfrey said concisely.

'What? Don't you think he ought to stay the night at least? He is unconscious,' Lily asked uncertainly.

'No, he's not crossing this threshold. I've done all I can for him,' she said, turning to go.

'Are you sure he's OK? Shouldn't you check him for a concussion or something?' Peter asked, eyeing Sirius' swelling forehead. 

'He's fine, now take him away, I'm not letting that boy into any ward under my protection,' she told them forcefully.

'Why?' Remus asked her as respectfully as he could, considering the outrage showing on his face on his friend's behalf.

'The last time I let _that_ into the wing, just to remove a _splinter_, I walked away to get the tweezers, and came back to find that he had set fire to his own bed. I don't know how he managed to do it in five seconds, but that child is a menace! The only way he'll come back in here is over my _dead body_!' This was the most emotional Remus had ever seen the matron get, she was looking downright murderous.

'And, how long ago was this?' James asked.

'Two weeks,' the matron said sharply putting her hands on her hips, 'Now, if you children need nothing else, then I suggest you get _him into bed and get some ice on that forehead.' With that she pursed her lips and slammed the door shut. _

'But what if he needs any potions?' Lily called through the closed door.

'Then one of you come and get them, _don't send him_!' They all sat stunned for a moment.

'Wow, Sirius is an idiot…' Remus said, before resignedly floating Sirius up the stairs. 

****

'Sirius, you have to get up now, it's been three _days. And you're snoring.' James said, shaking Sirius roughly._

'Eh,' Sirius told him groggily, rolling over and making a cocoon out of his sheets. Within seconds he was back asleep and snoring as loud as ever.

'Really Sirius, no one can sleep in the whole house,' Remus said, getting very annoyed with Sirius. He had been conscious for two days, he just didn't want to get out of bed; this was not surprising since Sirius missed lessons every chance he could.

'Mmph,' Sirius' muffled voice said from beneath a pillow.

'It's not funny anymore, Sirius, you really need to get up. Rise and shine,' James said attempting to pull the bed clothes off of Sirius.

'When you rise, you'll shine,' came another muffled response from the cocoon. Sirius snored even louder from under that pillow. Lily's laughter had now joined the rest of them, as she walked into the dorm, a questioning look on her face.

'What is he doing? He sounds like a grizzly bear. We can hear him all the way in the girls' dorm.' 

'Stop your snoring! You're keeping me awake,' Sirius said matter-of-factly; this was far too much for the others; laughter was rampant in the sixth year boys dormitory for quite a while afterwards. 

'Is something blocking his windpipe?' Remus stopped laughing for a moment to ponder.

'Uh-uh,' Sirius said, no one being sure whether this was an answer to Remus' question or just a statement. The dormitory went silent for a moment, before gales of laughter rose up again. 

'Maybe we should ask him embarrassing questions, since he doesn't seem quite right in the head just now,' Lily suggested. 

'Yeah James, you do it,' Remus said, nudging his friend towards Sirius.

'No way, when he wakes up he'll be angry. Peter should do it,' James stated, stepping back from Sirius' bed.

'Why me?' Peter asked.

'Leave me alone or I'll slap your face off.' Sirius growled grumpily, pausing his snores for a moment.

'Come on, Sir, Christmas Break is in two days and you need to get packed,' James said, noticing, not for the first time, that Sirius' belongings were strewn about the floor of the whole dormitory. At the mention of Christmas, you would have thought an electric current had just gone through Sirius' bed. 

'Really? Have I been asleep _that long?' Sirius then realised that he hadn't changed his clothes since Saturday, and it was very cold indeed in the dorm. Sirius cursed vehemently, then said,_

'Why is it so bloody cold in here?'

'It's December, we're in a castle, you're not wearing socks. What did you expect?' Lily told him, her voice making him realise that all he was wearing was his undershirt and rolled up trousers, which were still slightly sticky from all the food. 

'I'm disgusting,' he told them, holding up his arms like he couldn't bear to have them touching him.

'Yes, you are,' Remus smirked.

'And it's your fault!' Sirius slurred, pointing to all of them with a wild gesture.

'It's not _my_ fault!' James started, 'you're the one who pranked me in the first place! If you hadn't have started it, I wouldn't have needed to get revenge!'

'Well, if you hadn't been so mean, and hitting me all the time, I wouldn't have needed to prank you!' Sirius hollered drunkenly, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

'I wouldn't have hit you if _you_ hadn't been constantly making fun of me!' James said, color rising in his face.

'Aw, poor baby Jamsie can't take a little teasing. You deserved it, didn't he Remus?' Sirius babied, now turning to Remus.

'Well, he was acting a little odd- No! You two are not dragging me into this, I'm not involved.' Remus stated, backing away with his hands raised defensively.

'Lily knows, don't you Lily. He deserved to be made fun of!' Sirius looked pointedly at Lily.

'Er,' Lily looked to James, 'I'm not getting involved in this either.' Lily said, crossing her arms and joining Remus. Before Sirius could say anything, Peter said,

'I'm not involved either, don't you even start with me.' 

'Fine! But I'm right and they all know it. They're just trying not to hurt your over-inflated ego!' Sirius said, now completely awake.

'_My_ over-inflated ego?! Don't even let me start on _your_ ego.' James was not at all smiling and was now standing up menacingly.

'What ego? I'm just better than everyone else at everything.' Sirius stated.

'I'm going to hit you!' James started towards Sirius with his fist raised.

'Oh yeah? Well you hit like a _girl! I'm not afraid of you. Bring it on!' Sirius said, getting into a sparring pose. Lily looked horrified, and kept reaching out her hand as if she dearly wanted to stop them. She clutched onto Remus' arm, and said indignantly,_

'Aren't you going to stop them!?' 

'No,' Remus stated, watching the fun.

'Well, why not?' Lily asked, digging her fingernails into his arm.

'Trust me, they do this all the time. It's best just to let them have it out.'

'Oh, OK.'

James' and Sirius' fight was turning quite comical now. Sirius had transformed into Padfoot, and was viciously ripping into James' trouser leg. James was repeatedly kicking Sirius in the ribs.

'That's not fair and you know it!' James bellowed at the large dog, 'turn back, now!'

Padfoot knocked James to the ground, and dragged his struggling body across the room. Then he roughly placed his paws on either of James' shoulders, and changed back.

'Fine!' Sirius yelled back, beginning to punch James in the face. The two of them rolled on the ground, beating each other in every way they could. Finally James pulled out his wand to curse Sirius in the stomach, but Sirius was too quick for that and threw the wand away. It skipped across the stone floor and rolled to a halt at Remus' feet.

'Is it always this bad,' Lily whispered, watching in utter terror as they beat the living daylights out of each other.

'Of course, that's why they're such good friends.' Remus stated as if this should be very apparent, picking the wand up off the ground and pocketing it. 

'No magic whatsoever!' Sirius growled, not watching the wand fly away.

'That's fine with me!' James screamed hoarsely, before grabbing Sirius' head and hitting it against the stone-flagged floor over and over again. With one particularly loud 'THONK,' Sirius stopped struggling and laid down limp. Lily gasped and James dropped him suddenly, throwing his hands up in innocence.

'Sir, are you OK?' James whispered, turning white. When there was no answer, he leant back down and said, barely audibly, 'Sirius?' 

'AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!' Sirius roared, leaping from the ground and putting James in a headlock and starting to punch him again. Sirius' head was very very very very very very hard. James' arms flailed pitifully, but Sirius wouldn't let go.

'Say that I'm right and I'll let you go!' 

'NEVER!' James struggled downward, causing Sirius to flip over James' back.

'You'll never get free if you don't! I'm well-rested and I'll stay here forever if I have to!'

'NO!'

'James, I think you'd better do as he says,' Remus said quietly from across the room, a smile on his face.

'Say it James, say it now!' Sirius said through gritted teeth. 

'I won't!' James cried out, now punching Sirius in the kidneys. They both were beginning to get very tired by now. Just as Sirius began to lose his grip, James' punches became more and more weak. Both Sirius and James started to sink to the floor, panting. 

'Truce?' Sirius asked, shaking the sweat off his hair like a wet dog.

'Yeah, alright, d'you want to go and get something to eat?' James breathed, wiping his brow.

'I haven't eaten in three days! Are you kidding? Of course I want to go.' With that the two of them left without saying a word to the others. 

'Well, that was very strange…' Lily said uncertainly, walking off to her dormitory to go back to sleep. 

END OF CHAPTER NINE

A/N: Well, who saw that coming? Certainly not us. This chapter came completely out of nowhere. It was supposed to be the last chapter for this particular story, but the fight scene ended up taking over. It wasn't planned or even mentioned in the original storyline, but it's here nonetheless, and it makes us happy.

We're very pleased with the feedback we've been getting. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! 

First of all we want to thank Empress Genevieve for being our most dedicated reviewer. And yes, running into a tree is not a fun experience. ;)

Thank you Star, Wanda, Callie Anne and Rasberry lipgloss for the multiple reviews! We love to hear from you guys! (A special 'hey' to Callie Anne from Hillary. Hello!)

And we have lots of new reviewers to thank! Thank you PRIYU, Siriusly Padfoot, MEMEMEME and me-a Hilary and Jess fan (Definitely a nice name, by the way.)

Well, we're coming up on our very last chapter of this fic. Not to fear, we're writing another fic very soon after this which is a sort of sequel or actually, just a continuance of this fic. It'll be very funny and will give you some insight into Sirius' upbringing. Can 't reveal much more than that at this time.

Okay, how about when we reach 75 reviews we post the final chapter? Sound fair? Thanks again!

-Hillary and Jess

(Would write more but Riverdance is on! You just have to love the Irish music and dancing! And it's not with Michael Flatley, thank you very much, but Colin Dunne! Yay! 

-Hillary)

TEASER TRAILER OF SORTS (was formerly in chapter 10's slot)

Well, no one has reviewed our story in two whole weeks. Did asking for 75 reviews alienate you? Sure hope not, because, alackaday, we are still not updating till then (though we would love to so we can post the 1st chapter of the next story!) But, as we want to hurry up this process and not have our fic left to stagnate as many un-updated fics do, we've added this teaser trailer of sorts. Just a few snippets of the fic we've thrown together hoping to get this thing moving. Only 20 reviews and then we can update. Why do we ask for so many? Well, it'll be our last chapter so we want to get your opinions before posting it, plus the last chapter has a surprise in it (ok, that's not really a reason but maybe it's a motivation for you to review? Hmm?) Yay for surprises! Ok, without further ado, here's the teaser.

+++

'Hello Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, sirs. It has been such a very long time since you have visited us, we is thinking that you is not coming back!' Winkle squealed running towards Sirius with a plate of his favorite sweets. 

'It's been two days, Winkle.' Sirius said, grabbing a few éclairs off the pile that Winkle had now presented to him. 

'Oh, but sir, you is usually here at least twice a day!' Winkle said, looking hurt.

'Well, I've sort of been unconscious…' Sirius trailed off, stuffing a whole doughnut into his mouth.

+++

'So, what're you doing for Christmas?' James asked him, changing the subject, without Sirius noticing at all.

'Well, I get to go home and hang out with my sisters…all of them are coming this year, plus Kate's family as well- lots of estrogen…' Sirius said, counting off all the people who were visiting on Christmas holiday.

'D'you mean to tell me that there are going to be _nine Blacks in one household…will you _survive_?' James said, laughing at Sirius' wide-eyed look._

'Of course _I'll_ survive, I'm the favourite,' Sirius told James, giving him a cheeky grin, 'So, what are you doing with your rich family this year?'

+++++

'What d'you think I should get Lily for Christmas?' James asked Sirius.

'How 'bout a nice box of chocolates?' Sirius suggested.

'But that's what I get her _every_ year. I want to get her something special. This is our first Christmas together,' James told him, looking thoughtful.

'It's not like it's that much different than before, James,' Sirius began, 'well, except that you two are now snogging every chance you get.'

'Really, Sirius, what should I get her?'

'How about a nice toaster?'

'No.'

'Hoover?'

'No, Sirius.'

'Mixer?'

'_No_.'

'Electric rubbish bin?'

'Stop already, I'm not getting her a kitchen appliance of any kind. We're not _married_ you know.'

'Margarita machine?'

+++

It was probably through divine intervention that Remus, Sirius, and James survived double Transfiguration at all. McGonagall just kept talking and talking and reviewing for that end of term exam tomorrow. Sirius practiced sleeping with his eyes open, which was a pretty good plan until McGonagall called on him- apparently it looked like he wasn't paying attention. 

'Mr. Black? Mr. Black do you know the answer to the question I asked you or not?' Professor McGonagall asked sharply, standing in front of him, her arms crossed and her lips a barely existent line. Sirius responded by staring blankly through her. McGonagall padded cat-like over to Sirius, and ever-so-gently slammed her hands onto his desk with a loud, 'THWOP!'

+++

'Oh, Mum, Dad, this is James Potter…' Lily began, trying to gauge how her parents would react, 'my, er, friend from school.'

'Well, as long as he isn't your boyfriend, that's fine. My little Tiger Lily is far too young to have a boyfriend.' Mr. Evans playfully punched Lily on the arm.

'Heh, heh, all right, I'll be along in just a moment. I'll meet you at the car after I say goodbye to my friends.' Lily said nervously, trying to get them as far away from James as possible.

=======

And there's way more where that came from. :) 

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed us so far! Thank you WoAiNi16 for giving us so very many reviews thus far :) Thanks to Wanda for that last sweet review (it made us both teary eyed and happy that you thought we portrayed the characters properly.) Thank you Star for reviewing us so regularly! Thank you Raspberry Lipgloss for your positive support. And thank you Callie Anne for being there for us with your enthusiasm.

Hope to see more reviews! Thanks everyone!

-Hillary and Jess

NOTICE: Hillary would like to state that her name has two 'L's. She is a little too obsessive about it but nonetheless; she just wanted everyone to know this, for a misspelled name is not a good thing.


	10. Chapter 9 and five eighths

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros.

**Dates, Pranks, and Marauders**

****

****

**Chapter X (Well, actually it's Ten and Five Eighths)- The Grande Finale Part I**

            'Hello Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, sirs.  It has been such a very long time since you have visited us, we is thinking that you is not coming back!'  Winkle squealed running towards Sirius with a plate of his favourite sweets.  

            'It's been two days, Winkle.' Sirius said, grabbing a few éclairs off the pile that Winkle had now presented to him.  

            'Oh, but sir, you is usually here at least twice a day!'  Winkle said, looking hurt.

            'Well, I've sort of been unconscious…' Sirius trailed off, stuffing a whole doughnut into his mouth.

            'Is there no miss this time, Mr. Black, sir?'  Winkle asked curiously eyeing James.

            'Whauf?'  Sirius managed to ask around his doughnut, confusion wrinkling his brow.

            'The miss, sir, is there no miss this time.'  Seeing that both Sirius and James were still confused, Winkle tried again, 'the miss who is fainting because of us.'

            'Oh, _her_,' Sirius said, looking to James with a smile, 'on the night you ruined my life we came in here and she fainted.  She was scared of the elves…'

            'I know, I was there.'  James told him.

            'Oh, so _that's_ how you did it, bribing the poor house-elves, eh?  I don't think your prank was funny at all.'  Sirius said, rubbing his forehead even though it was healed by now.  

            'It was all Lily's idea, we had nothing to do with it.  We just, er, helped her carry out her plan.'  James said crossing his arms.

            'Somehow, I find that hard to believe,' Sirius scoffed, before grabbing a biscuit or five.  James felt it was best not to reply to this, not wanting to have another fist fight anytime soon.

            'So, what're you doing for Christmas?'  James asked him, changing the subject, without Sirius noticing at all.

            'Well, I get to go home and hang out with my sisters…all of them are coming this year, plus Kate's family as well- lots of estrogen…' Sirius said, counting off all the people who were visiting on Christmas holiday.

            'D'you mean to tell me that there are going to be _nine Blacks in one household…will you _survive_?'  James said, laughing at Sirius' wide-eyed look._

            'Of course _I'll_ survive, I'm the favourite,' Sirius told James, giving him a cheeky grin, 'So, what are you doing with your rich family this year?'

            'I'm stuck here.  My parents are going on their second honeymoon...' James moaned miserably.

            'Well, I don't see why they shouldn't.  Isn't that what married people _do_?'  Sirius asked.  His parents had never been on a second honeymoon, but then again his parents were kind of weird…they were _his_ parents after all.

            'It's their _eighteenth_ second honeymoon, they've had one every year since I've been born, plus some extras.  One year they had _two_- one on Christmas and one on my birthday…' James looked misty-eyed for a moment, then snapped back to reality.

            'Oh…' Sirius said, not sure whether to comfort James, or leave him alone, 'I've an idea!  You can come and stay with me for Christmas.'

            'Well, I wouldn't want to impose, but if you really want me to then…' James trailed off, obviously very glad that he had an alternative to an empty castle.

            'D'you remember coming to my house at all?  Honestly, do you believe someone _could_ impose my mother?'  Sirius asked him, 'We're talking about Mrs. 'Semi-hippie-I-want-my-kids-to-'express'-themselves-Black.''

            'Right, well, I'll go pack my things then, shall I?'  James said eagerly.

            'That's fine James, but don't you think you'd better wait 'till morning?  After all it's nearly four o'clock, and Moony's probably still suffering from lack of sleep.'  Sirius tried to grin mysteriously, but was overcome with a deep yawn.

            'Oh, right… maybe we'd better go, then.'  James said, moving towards the door.  Sirius followed suit after filling all of his pockets with sweets and prying Winkle off his left leg.  

            'Goodbye Mr. Black, sir!' Winkle called after him, sniffling.

            'I'll be back tomorrow, Winkle,' Sirius said, growing tired of this every time he went into the kitchen.

            'Oh, OK!'  Winkle said happily, bouncing back off to his work.

            James and Sirius clambered out of the kitchen and walked down the corridor towards Gryffindor common room.  

            'My face hurts.'  James said to Sirius as they walked past a suit of armour and automatically ducked out of view as one of the ghostly sentries passed by.

            'Well the back of my head hurts, James.'  Sirius replied, pulling aside a tapestry to take a short cut.  

            'I seriously doubt that, your head is harder than stone.  Besides, if you wouldn't have started the fight, your head wouldn't hurt now.'  James started.

            'Wait, wait, wait. The fight that _I _started?  Oh no, the fight that _you_ started.  I don't know if you recall, but you were the one that said 'I'm going to hit you.''

            'What d'you think I should get Lily for Christmas?'  James asked Sirius, knowing it best to drop it and change the subject.

            'How 'bout a nice box of chocolates?'  Sirius suggested.

            'But that's what I get her _every_ year.  I want to get her something special.  This is our first Christmas together,' James told him, looking thoughtful.

            'It's not like it's that much different than before, James,' Sirius began, 'well, except that you two are now snogging every chance you get.'

            'Really, Sirius, what should I get her?'

            'How about a nice toaster?'

            'No.'

            'Hoover?'

            'No, Sirius.'

            'Mixer?'

            '_No_.'

            'Electric rubbish bin?'

            'Stop already, I'm not getting her a kitchen appliance of any kind.  We're not _married_ you know.'

            'Margarita machine?'

            'No, Sirius, I believe that's what _you_ want.'

            'Oh…too right you are.  Well, have you gotten me anything yet?'

            'C'mon, be serious for a change-'

            'I'm _always_ Sirius, James,' Sirius held a straight face for nearly half a moment before both of them cracked up and laughed- it truly was late in the night.

            'Honestly though,' James started, still a little breathless from all the mirth, 'I want to get her something really special.'

            'You could get her some new make-up, girls love that sort of stuff.'

            'Lily looks fine the way she is, she might think I want her to wear tons of that stuff, like the other girls in her year.'

            'Or worse- she might think that you think she's ugly without it.  I made that same mistake with Diana McDermot… Hmm…well, perhaps she'd like some fancy perfume.  Mum always gets all mushy with Dad whenever he brings her stuff like that.'

            'NO!  She'll assume that I think she stinks, then.'  James said, looking horrified at the thought.

            'Flowers?' 

            'What if she's allergic?'

            'Prongs, you're making this far too hard.  I'm sure Lily will like anything you give her.'

            'Sirius, you're being entirely unhelpful.  I thought you were supposed to be good at this.  Aren't you an _expert_ on women?'

            'Well, yes.  But you know I don't keep relationships that long!'

            'Have you ever bought a gift for _any_ girl?'  

            'Of course I have!  I buy things for my sisters every year!  And my mum, don't forget her.'

            James was speechless for a moment, then repeated,

            'So, you've never bought a gift for any girl.'

            'Guess not.'  Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, 'well, I say stick to the chocolates.  It's a traditional good gift.'

            'Aha!  I know what I'll get her!'  James declared, looking expectantly at Sirius.

            'Good,' said Sirius, not feeling it necessary to hear what it was, 'So, did you listen to the game this morning on the wireless?  I really wanted to listen to it, but unfortunately, I was unconscious.'

            'You weren't unconscious, you were asleep.  You stopped being unconscious two days ago.'  James muttered.

            'So, did the Kestrels beat the Falcons?'  Sirius asked interestedly.

            'Yes, I wish you could have heard it!  The chasers pulled off a perfect Hawkshead, it was _amazing_!'  James and Sirius continued talking about the game all the way back to the dormitory, unfortunately for them, Remus was not in the mood for quidditch at four thirty-two in the morning on a school night.  When they entered the room, they had forgotten what time it was, and carried on their conversation as loudly as before.

            Remus opened one eye, grabbed a lamp from his bedside, and sat up in bed.

            'Do the two of you have any idea what time it is?'  Remus asked, his eye twitching, eerily emphacised by the flickering light of the lamp.

            'Uh, no?'  Sirius said, stopping in his tracks.

            'Oh, well, neither do I,' Remus said, putting the lamp aside and seeming to fall back asleep immediately.  

            'OK,' Sirius said, 'that went better than I would have thought.'

            'Yes, well we'd better get to sleep, we _do_ have school tomorrow.'

****

            James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat at the breakfast table the next morning.  They had early Transfiguration on Thursdays, and so they huddled over their porridge at the crack of dawn.  James had a large pot of coffee surrounded by four large mugs.  All of these mugs were magically refilled whenever drunk from.  Remus stared blankly towards a wall, not focussed on anything in particular, occasionally breaking out of his stupor to slowly turn his eyes to Sirius, who had his head resting on Remus' shoulder, his mouth open with a good bit of drool trickling down onto Remus' robes.  James nervously twitched as he downed his sixth cup; all three of them were in need of a good shave, Sirius being especially blue with stubble, having been 'unconscious' for so long.

            'Shouldn't you maybe eat something, besides all that coffee, James?'  Peter asked good-naturedly.  He slept through anything, and was happily crunching away at some bacon.

            James twitched, his hands shaking violently around his coffee cup, 'I got a half hour of sleep last night,' he said, turning to Peter, his eyes wide from the caffeine now coursing through him, 'don't tell me what to do.'

            'Remus, Sirius is drooling all over your arm.'  Peter said in disgust.  When Remus didn't reply, but instead let his eyes float towards the ceiling, Peter tried again, 'it's really disgusting, you should make him stop.'

            'Too tired…to care,' Remus groaned, his mouth barely moving.

            'Oh…well why are you tired, Remus?  You weren't even with them.'  Peter inquired.  The other three were getting very annoyed with his chipper-ness. 

            'Unlike _you_ Peter, I can't sleep through Sirius' snores.  I got three hours of sleep…'

            'That's more than I got.'  James' neck began jerking unnaturally of it's own accord.  

            'In the past the three days, James, the past three days,' Remus said hoarsely, letting his forehead fall onto the thick wooden table.

            'Why's Sirius been snoring so badly anyway?  He's usually pretty bad, but normally you guys can sleep through it as well.'  Peter was now getting on the sleepless people's nerves.  

            'Stop asking questions that no one can answer.'  James snapped, downing another cup of coffee.  Sirius let out a huge cough/snore, and a large, bent-up cherry stem flew from his throat, hitting Peter in the eye.

            'I think that's why, Peter,' Remus' voice told them, strangely muffled by the wood of the table.

            'Charlemagne!'  Sirius suddenly woke up and sat up stock-straight.  

            'What?'  James asked, having fallen off his chair from a combination of shock and caffeine.

            'Eh?'  Sirius said vaguely.

            'You just shouted out- oh, never mind.'  Peter threw his hands up in a gesture of frustration and gave up on his three zombie-like friends.

            'Oh good, coffee!'  Sirius said slowly but eagerly, his mouth gaping open and his eyes sagging.

            'This is mine!'  James hissed, wrapping his arms protectively around the coffee pot and four mugs, 'get your own!'  

            Remus fell asleep again face down on the table, not noticing or caring about the spoon that was digging into his cheek, or the wood-pattern imprinting onto his forehead.  

****

            It was probably through divine intervention that Remus, Sirius, and James survived double Transfiguration at all.  McGonagall just kept talking and talking and reviewing for that end of term exam tomorrow.  Sirius practiced sleeping with his eyes open, which was a pretty good plan until McGonagall called on him- apparently it looked like he wasn't paying attention.  

            'Mr. Black?  Mr. Black do you know the answer to the question I asked you or not?'  Professor McGonagall asked sharply, standing in front of him, her arms crossed and her lips a barely existent line.  Sirius responded by staring blankly through her.  McGonagall padded cat-like over to him, and ever-so-gently slammed her hands onto his desk with a loud, 'THWOP!'

            'AH! I didn't do it!'  Sirius exclaimed nonsensically.  Professor McGonagall, her lips having now disappeared entirely, stared coldly at Sirius, then gave a quizzical look to James, who was nervously and rapidly drumming all ten of his fingers on his desk, his eyes were darting wildly around the room. 

            'Mr. Black, I don't know if you realise this, but we have an end of term exam in this class tomorrow, and I think it would be prudent for you to _pay attention_.'  As she lectured angrily, she noticed that Sirius' head had drooped onto Remus' shoulder, and he was now snoring loudly, 'Are you paying attention to me?  Mr. Black!'

            'What?!'  Sirius asked rudely, not opening his eyes, raising his head, or in fact realising who he was talking to.

            'Get out of my class, now!  Get to the hospital wing right now if you're having that much trouble staying awake.' She stated, pointing towards the door, 'Ten points from Gryffindor, and don't come back until you've decided to learn.'  At 'ten points from Gryffindor,' Sirius sat up stock straight, all traces of sleep gone, and cried out angrily,

            'What, miss, what'd I do?'

            'I suppose one of your friends will have to explain it to you later, if they were even listening,' she told him, now looking at Remus sleeping a little less obviously and James acting like a hummingbird on speed, 'I think you probably ought to go to the hospital wing if you're having that much trouble staying awake.'

            'Oooh-I-know-Professor-I-know-Sirius-I-know-what-he-did-but-I-can't-tell-him-now-because-he's-in-trouble-Professor-and-you'll-be-mad-at-me-if-I-tell-him-I-think-Sirius-should-leave-now-because-he's-in-big-trouble-but-I-was-paying-attention-Professor-I'm-perfectly-awake-I'm-not-going-to-sleep-for-a-long-time-I'm-wide-awake!'  James said, cheerily waving goodbye to Sirius.

            'Perhaps, Mr. Potter, you ought to join Mr. Black in the hospital wing…' McGonagall looked cautiously at James, who was now twitching violently, 'Yes, I think that's best…'

            'But-I-want-to-do-well-on-the-test-Professor-McGonagall-and-I-can't-miss-the-review-'cause-then-I'll-do-bad-on-the-test-and-I-can't-do-bad-on-the-test-so-I-can't-miss-the-review-'cause-if-I-miss-the-review-' James started again, but Professor McGonagall clamped a hand over his mouth, gently led him over to the door, and kicked him out next to Sirius.  

            James skipped/sprinted merrily all the way to the hospital wing, running in circles round Sirius, while Sirius dragged himself foot by foot.  When they finally reached the hospital, James jumped towards the door and began knocking loudly without stop until Sirius forcefully grabbed his arm and pulled it away.  James started knocking with the other hand.  

            'That's enough, she heard you,' Sirius growled slowly.  James was just about to respond when the matron cut him off by opening the door angrily due to James knocking.

            'What do you-' Madam Pomfrey began, but was interrupted by James.

            'Hiya-Madam-Pomfrey-how-are-you-Professor-McGonagall-told-us-to-come-here-because-Sirius-was-bad-in-class-he-couldn't-and-wouldn't-stay-awake-but-I-did-I'm-wide-awake-I-don't-know-why-I'm-here-they-say-I'm-acting-funny-but-I-don't-think-I'm-acting-funny-at-all-I'm-awake-what-do-you-think-am-I-acting-' James started again, but this time Sirius clamped a hand firmly over his mouth. 

            'You're not allowed in here.'  The matron told him, closing the door part of the way so he couldn't get in.

            'I don't _want_ to be here; I just want to go to sleep.  But what should I do about _him_.'  Sirius said, motioning to James, who was tapping his foot and still attempting to talk through Sirius' hand.  

            'What's the matter with him,' Madam Pomfrey said suspiciously.  

            'He got half an hour of sleep last night, then had ten cups of coffee for breakfast, and nothing else,' Sirius told her groggily.  

            'Well, the caffeine should wear off sometime today, just tie him down until it does.'  Madam Pomfrey instructed, shutting the door with a snap. 

            'Thanks a lot,' Sirius said to the door, dragging a babbling James back towards the dormitory.  Sirius chose to ignore everything James was saying at an incredible speed, and simply led him back through the Entrance Hall and made to go up the Grand Staircase.    

             Suddenly James stopped mid-sentence.

            'I feel very tired.'  James' caffeine high was over.  He sat down at the bottom of the steps, leaned against the wall, and fell asleep.  

            'C'mon James, I want to get to my bed,' Sirius urged, pulling on James' arm, 'James?  James, this isn't funny.  If you think I'm going to carry you up these stairs then you've got another thing coming…James?  _James_?'  Sirius gave another fruitless tug at his arm, but James was too far off to notice.  Sirius looked up the long staircase tiredly, then down at his best friend, and he curled up on the cold stone floor and went back to sleep.

****

A/N:  Hello all of you _wonderful _reviewers, Jess here.  Hillary and I have had a small discussion, and, due to your glowing reviews and pleas for posting, we have decided to give you the first part of Chapter Ten.  We are still going to wait for 75 to post the rest, but until then, we've given a snippet for you all to enjoy.  This chapter has been a pleasure to write for us, and we hope you'll find it funny as well.  

Thanks SO much to all of those who reviewed to help us to our goal.  We realise that it must seem like asking a lot, but we do _need_ to feel as though someone is reading this- if we just wrote it for our own enjoyment we wouldn't have bothered posting it.  The reviews so far have been nothing but wonderful, and each day we get one, it makes the whole world brighter.

Especially thanks to our new reviewers- Fae, Jess from Ns, oneiros lykos (I love your pen name!), and justnutzaboutwizards; and Star- thanks so much for sticking with us- I hope our strange mood-swings with reviews haven't made you lose faith in us- thanks for sticking with us!

In addition, for all those interested in reading, Hillary and I have begun work on a sequel of sorts to 'Dates,' and would like some opinions from our valued readers.  Which title is more appealing- 'Christmas at the Blacks,' or 'A Very Sirius Christmas?'  We love the Sirius pun (well, Jess loves it and Hillary laughs appreciatively, I'm not sure if it's in embarrassment or amusement), but we would really love to hear which title would encourage you as a new reader of Hillary and Jess to open it up?  Please either state in your review or email one of us (Jess is jessiroper@aol.com, and Hillary is Pillbugb@aol.com) whichever title you prefer.  It means the world to us to get your opinions, so please, go ahead!  

The rest of the final chapter will be up as soon as we get 75 reviews!  That's only five more than we got for Chapters Nine and Ten combined, so it shouldn't be too hard.  If you really want us to post, review twice and see what happens- or you could even go crazy and review thrice (sorry about that, I felt the need to use the word 'thrice…').   


	11. Chapter 10 The Grande Finale

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all related characters, names, and indicia do not belong to us and are under copyright of Warner Bros.

A/N: Well, here it is, the final installment… It makes us all misty eyed… *sniff

**Dates, Pranks, and Marauders**

****

****

**Chapter X- The Grande Finale Part 2**

            When Transfiguration had ended, Lily and Peter helped a dazed and exhausted Remus to the dormitory.  Lily had taken extra notes and was planning to use a copying charm later so that the sleep-deprived marauders wouldn't fail.

            'It's quite alright, Remus.  I don't think McGonagall noticed you were asleep at all.'  Peter assured Remus.  Remus made an indistinct noise in his throat and allowed more of his weight to be supported by Peter.  

            'Yes Remus, it's fine.  I'll bring up lunch for you and James and Sirius; you all can sleep until dinner, and I'll tell Binns you're indisposed.  I'm sure McGonagall will back me up.'  Lily said, kindly patting Remus on the arm; he made another indistinct noise.  'I still can't believe that you've only gotten three hours of sleep in three days, Remus, you need to take better care of your- oh, dear.'

            'Who is that?'  Peter asked, as both he and Lily noticed the two bodies lying at the bottom of the stairs, one of them making a sound like a bear with a lung disease.

            'I'd know that snore anywhere…' Remus groaned without looking up.  

            'What should we do?'  Lily asked walking cautiously over to Sirius and her boyfriend.

            'I guess we should wake them up.'  Peter said, bending down and shaking Sirius.  Sirius snorted and a few cupcake sprinkles flew from his nose.

            'Eww.'  Lily stepped a few feet back as the sprinkles rolled across the floor.  Peter now tried to wake James, but it seemed that he had passed out.  Remus slumped to the floor and started to close his eyes as well.

            'Remus, don't go to sleep yet!'  Peter picked him back up under his arms and leaned him against the wall.

            'I don't think we're going to be able to wake them up.  Should we perhaps carry them?'  Lily looked doubtfully down at the more than three-hundred pounds of dead weight.

            'No, leave them.'  Remus said blearily.  

            'Why?  Remus if we leave them on the stairs they're likely to be trampled.'  Peter stated.

            'I don't care what you do with James, but Sirius is not going to sleep in the same room as me.  Not with all the various food garnishments that are stuck up his nose.  Just leave him, he deserves whatever happens.'  Remus said, staying semi-awake.

            'OK, but how are we going to get James up the stairs?'  Peter asked.

            '_Mobilicorpus._'  Remus said simply, flicking his wand carelessly at James and walking up the stairs.  Lily and Peter shrugged their shoulders at Sirius and followed.

****

            'I'm finally going home to my own bed,' Remus said ecstatically, 'No dorm mates, no classes, and _no_ snoring.'  Remus looked pointedly at Sirius, who was pointedly ignoring him, as they got onto the train on that Friday night.

            'I don't have to stay home alone this Christmas, and I don't have to see my parents at all!'  James said happily, looking at Sirius.

            'What?  Don't you like seeing your parents, James?'  Lily asked incredulously.  

            'I'll explain it to you later, Lily.' James muttered in reply.

            'I get to see _Petunia_, the most annoying sister to walk the planet.'  Lily said, trying not to think of all the grief Petunia caused her every time she came back from school.

            'Oh, yeah?  You have _no_ idea, Lily.  I have _four_ sisters, count them, _four_.  And _all_ of them are going to be at my house for Christmas.'

            'I'm an only child, I don't have any sisters.  I get to spend Christmas with my mother and grandmother,' Peter stated as he unwrapped a chocolate frog to eat.  Lily and Sirius stared at him in contempt, then rolled their eyes in unison.  

             'So, anyway, Lily, what do you want for Christmas?'  James said quickly changing the subject.

            'Oh, I'll like anything you get for me.'  Lily said, affectionately putting her arms around his neck.

            'See, I told you,' Sirius hissed at James with his best 'told-you-so' face.

            'You're wrong, Sirius, she doesn't really mean that at all.  She just says that, then expects me to get her what she really wants, and she won't tell me what it is that she wants.  Then later, I'll get in trouble for not getting her what she wants.  I've seen this happen to my dad many times, and I don't even see him that much.'  James whispered back, still holding Lily.

            'I am still here, you know,' Lily said, angrily drawing away and putting her hands on her hips, 'I can hear what you're saying.'

            'I'm sorry my little strawberry muffin.  It won't happen again.'

            'Aw, I just can't stay mad at you,' Lily said, kissing him on the nose and putting her arms around his neck again.

            'Bleurgh.'  Peter said in disgust.

            ''Strawberry muffin?' When did _that_ start?'  Remus said, his nose wrinkling up; Lily and James were still entirely absorbed in each other, and were completely oblivious to their surroundings.

            'I don't know, but I don't like it,' Sirius scowled, watching as James took Lily's face in his hands and kissed her gently, 'Oh, get a room.'

            Lily and James looked up at Sirius and stepped apart in embarrassment.

            'I don't know if you realise this, but we're all here while you're doing that,' Sirius began ranting, 'Really, every time you start we're around, I realise that you're off in your own little 'couple world' but could you please find someplace else to do that?'

            'Oh, er-' James began, but was cut short by Lily kissing him fully in the mouth, looking defiantly at Sirius; Remus started laughing at Sirius' grimace.

            'That's it, I'm not going to replaced by you.  I'm the best friend.  I'm going to go somewhere else and find food.'  Sirius said, getting out of the compartment and stalking off down the corridor to nowhere in particular.

            'D'you think he realises that the lady with the cart doesn't come on the train at Christmas?'  Remus asked into the silence that had filled Sirius' void.  They all pondered this for a moment, before breaking into gales of laughter.

            'I'd better go and check on him, I feel bad, I was mean to him,' Lily said, getting up to leave.

            'No, Lily!  Don't!  Stay with me, you don't need to go after him,' James grabbed her arm and tried to prevent her from going.

            'James, I feel terrible, I was just being vengeful, I need to apologise,' Lily said, twisting out of his grasp and leaving the car they had all piled into.

            'Why?' James asked Peter and Remus, 'Why is it that every single time Lily starts getting like that one of you has to go and ruin it, eh?'

            'It's not us, it's her.'  Remus said, resettling himself as the train began its journey.  

            'What do you mean, it's _her_.  Are you insulting Lily?'  James began to get angry, and didn't pause for a response, 'how _dare_ you say that about my girlfriend! I-'

            'James, will you be quiet for half a moment?  No one is insulting her.  We were just commenting on how compassionate and caring she is.'  Remus calmly explained, pushing James back down into his seat.

            'Oh, well that's fine then.'  James said, but that conversation ended as Sirius walked in with his arm around Lily, tightly pinning her to his side.

            'Well, Sirius and I have made up,' Lily told everyone.

            'Yes, and we made out!'  Sirius said, looking pointedly at James.  Lily slapped him playfully on the chest.  James started mouthing angrily in disgust, then sat back in his chair, deciding not to comment.  Sirius sat down on one side of James and Lily took the other.

            'Yes, Potter, I can see why you're dating Lily,' Sirius continued, making an inappropriate gesture.

            'Padfoot, you are a terrible terrible person,' James commented dryly.

            'Yes, I suppose that's true, but if I'm so terrible then why did I invite Lily to stay at my house after Christmas?  Hey, I know why!  So we can make out there too, right under your nose.'  Sirius wrinkled James' nose with his index finger.

            'Alright, Sirius, that's enough, it's not funny any more.  Actually, it was never funny.'  James said, putting his arm protectively around Lily.

            'Aw, come on James, lighten up.  I thought it was funny,' Lily chided, 'but I really am coming over on Christmas Day, after I celebrate it with my parents.'

            'Really!?  Is that true Sirius?'  James exclaimed excitedly.

            'No, we've both been lying this entire time,' Sirius said completely without emotion, rolling his eyes, 'we spent all of our make-out time coming up with a clever plan to pull at your heartstrings.  We get a sick pleasure out of it. Like to see ya' squirm.'

            There was really nothing that James could say to this, now was there?  

            'I like to see you squirm, James.'  Remus said quietly with a strange smile on his face.

            'What?!'  Lily, James, Sirius and Peter exclaimed, backing away from Remus and staring at him with wide eyes.Sometimes they fear his predatory wolf side was a little too prevalent.

            'Guys, I was just kidding!'  Remus said, looking at their startled faces, 'well, maybe I do find some humour when James gets all spastic.'

            'Spastic?  _I _do _not_ get _spastic_!  Where did you get an idea like that?'  James pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

            'Yeah, James, you are a little spastic.'

            'Sorry, honey, but you are spastic sometimes.'  

            'You're a regular spaz Jamsie boy.'

            'See, I told you, everyone agrees with me.'

            'I can't believe you guys are saying this!  I'm the captain of the bloody quidditch team!  I'm a prefect!  I'm poised, and balanced, and collected, and- and well, completely _unspastic!  Give me one example of __me being spastic.'  James ranted indignantly._

            'Do you want the short list or the long?'  Remus asked quirking an eyebrow.

            'Well, there was the time that you ran into that pole,'

            'And the time when you spat pumpkin juice all over everyone because you thought you'd missed a quidditch game,'

            'And the time when we tricked you into thinking you'd slept through class, even though it was a Saturday…poor Peter, I think you really scared him that time,'

            'Hey I wasn't scared!  That reminds me of the time when you thought that Padfoot was a Grim and refused to go to practice, mumbling about death by broomstick,'

            'What about the time when I wore that pink ribbon round my neck while I was Padfoot?'

            'What about it, I don't think that's an example of James being spastic,'

            'And there was that time you ran into a tree!'

            'No, Sirius, that was you,'

            'Oh, so it was, well there was that time when you thought you'd lost your potions assignment, and you blew up Snape's rucksack, thinking he'd stolen it, when really you'd had it in your hand the entire time,'

            'And then there was the way you were acting on our first date,'

            'Oh, you should have seen him _before_ the date, you wouldn't believe what he did, he-'

            'OK, OK, enough already, I get the point.'  James pouted.

            'Oh, but muffin, you're so cute when you're spastic,' Lily cooed, kissing James on the ear.

            'Ooooh muffin!  Jamsie wamsie you're so cute!'  

            'Sugar lump, you're _so_ adorable, I could just kiss your little ear.'

            'Cupcake, your spasiness is so attractive to me, with the result that I wish to publicly display my emotions to you repeatedly.'

            James and Lily chose to ignore these comments, kissy-faces, and rude sounds to go back off into their own happy little world.

****

            As the Hogwarts Express pulled into platform nine and three-quarters, Sirius pressed his nose to the glass, eagerly looking for his family.  They were not hard to spot, his three sisters that weren't at Hogwarts, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, mum and dad stood waving merrily (some more merrily than others) from the platform, ready for Christmas in their Yule Tide jumpers.  Peter's mother stood near the Blacks with his grandmother, already holding a tray of freshly baked cookies for him.  

            When the train had stopped, as Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter had collected their things and got off, a line of families waited near the iron-wrought gate to welcome them back.  Peter ran up to his mother and helped himself to several cookies off his mother's plate and shoved them into his mouth before grabbing each his mother and grandmother in a one armed hug.  The Lupins stood quietly, smiling as Remus approached them; their small son waved at Remus enthusiastically with both arms but said nothing.  Remus' brother grabbed on to him, 'I missed you, Remus,' he murmured into his older sibling's robes.  Remus smoothed his brother's hair gently before hugging his mother and father and wishing them all happy Christmas.

            James was not at all surprised that his mother and father weren't there.  Lily and James seemed to be having a contest to see who would miss the other more, as they slowly walked hand in hand from the train.  When Lily spied her parents she let go of James hand as if it had suddenly turned red hot and scooted about a foot away from him.

            'Daddy!  Hi!  Mum, Dad, Happy Christmas!'  She said, putting on a big grin.

            'Happy Christmas pumpkin nose, have you had a good term?'  Mr. Evans replied, eying James warily.  James stood expectantly, waiting for Lily to introduce him: Lily noticed this, so told her mother and father,

            'Oh, Mum, Dad, this is James Potter…' Lily began, trying to gauge how her parents would react, 'my, er, friend from school.'

            'Well, as long as he isn't your boyfriend, that's fine. My little Tiger Lily is far too young to have a boyfriend.'  Mr. Evans playfully punched Lily on the arm.

            'Heh, heh, alright, I'll be along in just a moment.  I'll meet you at the car after I say goodbye to my friends.'  Lily said nervously, trying to get them as far away from James as possible.

            'Ok, popkin,' Lily's mother answered, picking up some of Lily's things and kissing her on the cheek.

            'We'll see you in a moment, then,' Lily's father warned, watching James intently as they walked off towards the Blacks.  

            'Why didn't you just _tell_ them that I'm your boyfriend, Lily?'  James hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

            'Did you see my father just now?  Do you know what would happen to you if he found out?  We can't tell them for a little while at least.'  Lily whispered back, slipping her hand back into James' when she was sure that her parents had gone back through the barrier towards their car.

            'Well, how long is a little while?'  James asked earnestly.

            'I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, so…'  

            'Eighteen!?  But that's two years from now!  Does that mean that we can't-'

            'Nonsense, James, it's less than a year and a half, don't exaggerate.  Besides, we can still be together, even if my dad doesn't know about it.'    

            'Still, I feel a little awkward, Lily. It just doesn't feel like a very positive start, lying to your parents.'  James turned towards her looking her right in the eye.

            'I wasn't lying, James. I told them you were a friend from school, and you are, a very good friend,' she kissed him lightly on the nose, 'A _very very good friend.'_

            'Aw, look, two love birds pecking at each other,' Sirius said, joining them, 'I hate to break you two up, but we have to go now James.'

            'Just one more minute, Sirius,' James replied, still looking longingly into Lily's eyes.

            'You don't understand, James, my family is getting restless.  Do you realise just how dangerous that could be in such a small area?'  Sirius said, not at all joking.  

            James chose not to respond, and instead just held Lily close to him.

            'For the love of all that is good in the world, James, _come on!  She's going to come to my house in under a week, _let's go_.'  Sirius now grabbed James by the back of the robes and started hauling him off._

            'Half a moment, Sirius!  Lily, can you really come?  After seeing your parents…'

            'Oh, yes, it's fine.  I'll just tell them that I'm going over to my good friend Brianna's house, I simply forgot to mention that James would be there or that Brianna has an older brother who is also my good friend,' Lily winked. Brianna was Sirius' younger sister, who was a second year, often referred to simply as 'the Informant.'  

            'Good-bye,' James said miserably.

            'Good-bye,' Lily echoed, their fingertips still touching.

            'Good-bye,'

            'Good-bye, I'll miss you,'

            'I'll miss you,'

            'I love you,'

            'I love you as well,'

            'I'll miss you,'

            'Enough!  I'm sure you'll both miss each other immeasurably in the week leading up to Christmas, but James has to leave now, unless he wants to spend his holiday in a train station.'  Sirius threw an arm around James' waist and began to forcibly drag him towards the rest of the Blacks.

            'Good-bye,'

            'Good-bye,'

            'Good-bye!' Sirius finished this conversation huffily.  With one final tug, Sirius managed to wrench James away from Lily.  Lily began to walk dejectedly towards her parents' car, looking back sadly every few seconds, as James allowed Sirius to lead him away, also looking back every few seconds.

            'Aaaaaaaiiieeeeee!'  Squealed two, small, raven-haired children, who ran past James in a blur.  

            'What was that?'  James asked Sirius as the pint-sized duo collided with an elderly wizard in a fedora, sending him sprawling across the floor. 

            'Louis and Lucy, Katherine's kids,' Sirius explained.  Katherine was Sirius' eldest sister, who was married and had a pair of two-year-old twins.  'They're pretty evil, really.  Mum says they're just like I was at their age.  They annoy most people, but they like me, so I don't mind them…' he trailed off as Lucy and Louis began systematically seizing the man's possessions and playing a rowdy game of tug-of-war with them.  

            'Lucy!  Louis!  Stop that now!'  Katherine protested feebly, chasing after her twin terrors, 'I am _so sorry, sir, it won't happen again.'  When the man's fedora had come off, so had his hair; Katherine tried in vain to set the man's toupee back on his head, but gave up when she noticed Lucy and Louis playing tag between the train cars.  _

            'Children!'  She screeched, now running towards the train, 'get out of there before the train starts!'  

            'S'all right, Kate, I'll grab them,' Sirius said, kneeling down near the train tracks, 'Lucy, Louis, Uncle Sirius has a surprise for you!'  The children immediately abandoned their game and leapt into Sirius arms.

            'Uncle Sihwus!  Uncle Sihwus!'  Lucy shrieked, her pudgy arms flailing in pure glee.

            'Suhpise! Suhpise!  Uncle Sihwus!'  Louis joined in.

            'Yes, Uncle Sirius has a surprise for both of you,' Sirius told them, carrying them far away from the train, one of them under each of his arms.  

            'What's the surprise, Sirius?'  Kate asked.

            'I can't say it,' Sirius responded.

            'Why?  Wait, you're not going to give them…'

            'Chocolate.'  Sirius finished as he set the kids down and reached into his pockets.  It was amazing what this simple word could do: Louis and Lucy went into another round of shrieking and now ran in circles until they collided.  Unfortunately for the Blacks and James the kids were not even slightly phased by this severe impact, and now attacked Sirius' pockets with such ferocity that he feared he might soon be arrested for public indecency.  Sirius was smart enough to wrap this chocolate in many layers, so it took the terrible two much longer than usual to open it.  

            Katherine looked at Sirius sourly; she hated the fact that for once she was out of control of something, and Sirius could handle her kids better than she could.  

            'Are- are they staying at your house as well, Sirius?'  James asked cautiously, lowering his voice so that Katherine couldn't hear.

            'Oh, yes.  They're my favourite members of the family, actually,' Sirius smiled as the pair managed to cover themselves with just as much chocolate as they consumed, then began to lick each other clean, 'I really understand them, you know?  They know what life's all about.'

            'And what might that be?'  Melanie, Sirius' second-oldest, slightly bitter sister asked.

            'Chocolate,' Sirius said happily, unwrapping a chocolate frog for himself as he did so.  

            'Sirius, dear, how I've missed you!'  Sirius' mother cooed, grabbing him round the neck, having already smothered his younger sister, Brianna, with various expressions of endearment.  

            'Yes, Mum, I've missed you as well,' Sirius sighed, giving in to her, 'but not your cooking,' he added to James.  

            'And James!  It's so nice to see you again!  You haven't come round the house for _ages_.'

            'Oh, speaking of that, Mum, James is going to spend Christmas with us.'

            'You didn't ask already?'  James hissed angrily, 'Mrs. Black, I'm so sorry, I thought that Sirius had checked with you first.  I don't want to impose, I-'

            'Don't be silly, dear.  You're not imposing, we'd be happy to have you.  By the way, I have some wonderful cookies baking at home.  Let's go, shall we?'

            'Don't eat _anything_ she gives you,' Sirius warned in a low voice, 'she's recently discovered this muggle thing called '_tofu,' and it's the worst, nastiest stuff that-'_

            'Nonsense, my little star,' his mum replied, pinching his cheek.  Sirius hastily blushed and refused to make eye contact with James, 'The tofu is good for you.  Isn't the tofu good for you, Ryan?'  She asked of Sirius' father; Mr. Black's name was, in fact, Orion, but he thought it best to use a nickname for everyday, that, and Orion is just a rather odd sort of name.  

            'Yes, of course the tofu is good for us.  I love to eat the tofu.'  Mr. Black recited hastily, 'Hello, son,' he said, playfully ruffling his son's hair, 'and James, you're coming for Christmas?  That's great.  But really, don't eat the tofu, it's the nastiest stuff you've ever tasted- coming dear!'

            As a family, the Blacks walked from the station towards the nearest fire place; James smiled in contentment _it looks as though I'm going to have a real Christmas at last, with a family- a real family.  This is going to be the best Christmas ever_.  James watched as Lucy and Louis tackled Mr. Black shrieking something unintelligible with the word 'chocolate' in it, _then again, maybe not.       _

YOU'VE REACHED THE END OF DATES, PRANKS AND MARAUDERS

AN: When reading over the last line with the twins we discovered that instead of typing Lucy and Louis, we had in fact typed Lucy and Lucifer. When read out loud at 1:50 AM this can cause many minutes of pure glee.

Well…it's all over now! :*(  But you know what, we have already written the 1st chapter to the sequel! Hurrah for sequels! 

Speaking of sequels. We still need your help. Which title is more appealing- 'Christmas at the Blacks,' or 'A Very Sirius Christmas?' We love the Sirius pun (well, Jess loves it and Hillary laughs appreciatively, I'm not sure if it's in embarrassment or amusement), but we would really love to hear which title would encourage you as a new reader of Hillary and Jess to open it up? Please either state in your review or email one of us (Jess is jessiroper@aol.com, and Hillary is Pillbugb@aol.com) whichever title you prefer. It means the world to us to get your opinions, so please, go ahead! (Yes we just copied and pasted this message from the chapter before… But it just sums it up so well…)

We got 75 reviews much faster than we thought we would, though the fact that some people reviewed multiple times yesterday did hurry it up a little. ;) 

Alright. We have a very long list of everyone to thank. If we thanked every single reviewer of this story we'd all be here a while, so we won't do that. We'll just thank our most current reviewers and our wonderful multiple reviewers!

Empress Genevieve: Your ever insightful reviews are always a pleasure to read and we're so glad we could depend on seeing them fairly regularly :) Thank you so much!

Wo Ai Ni 16: Thanks so much for reviewing so often with such enthusiasm and vigour!  

Star: It's great to see that our writing made you 'lol' so much! ;) Thanks for being such a loyal reviewer.

Callie Anne: The gusto you added to each of your reviews was refreshing. Thanks!

Fuzzy star/ Alison: We don't know if you were actually reading this but thanks anyways!

Oneiros Lycos: Wow you sure reviewed a lot! Especially considering that you only started reading our story less than a week ago. Thank you for speeding up the process. Oh, and do you now understand why Sirius is snoring like the Dickens? 

No Es Alison/Santiago Rodriguez: We have to say, your Spanish reviews were very different but really helped us a lot in revising our story. Thanks… ;)

Wanda: You gave us the one review that made us so extremely happy there are no words to express it… Thanks!

The Midnight Angel: It's been a while since we've seen you. Hope the school work hasn't been too pressing. Thanks for reviewing us so much!

Raspberry Lipgloss: Thank you! Your reviews have always been encouraging though very short and to the point. 

Manda: Much like Midnight Angel, we haven't seen you in a while but thanks for being there in the beginning! :)

Leona-da-Quirm: Well, you certainly can type in the fashion of James on a caffeine high. Thanks for the zesty review.

Katana: a hah! It seems that you too have fallen victim to the wonders of coffee. Ah well, at least you only babble when sleepy. Jess yells at inanimate objects. (we're not making things up. She really has yelled at a stick of deodorant after reading it's instructions 'click twice.' Her reply: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! She then clicked it many, many times, discovering that clicking it more than two times produces far too much deodorant…Sorry for the anecdote… Just felt I had to type it)

Justnutzaboutwizards: Thank you for your cheering and animated reviews!

Corina: Hope we produced this last chapter quick enough for you.  ;) Thanks for reviewing! 

Julie Weasley: Wow! You've really been checking everyday? Thank you!

Oh and thank you to every one who put us on your favourites list:

Midnight Angel

, Reas-Chen

, Empress Genevieve

, Wo Ai Ni 16

, Star

, Wanda

, Manda

, Moonlight Pearl

, Oneiros lykos

, Fae

, Leona-da-Quirm

, Callie Anne

, RockonLosers

I believe that is all. If we left a multiple reviewer, someone who put us on your favourites, or someone who has reviewed chapter 10 part one out, please declare this either in a review or an e-mail. :) We will fix the problem immediately. 

We feel we should end with something clever or amusing……………

Alas…nothing.

Since there is no more to say we're going to just put some random happy quotes at the end. If you read through them all you probably deserve a medal. Heck, Is you've gotten to this point, you probably deserve a medal.

"You should always treat stray animals well, 'cause you never know when one of them might turn into a hot convict."  
-I have no idea who said this, but it is as funny as hell, and if you said it, then just tell me and I'll give you credit.  
  


James: "Why Remus, what big eyes you have!"  
Remus: "Go away James, I don't feel well."  
James: "But, oh, Remus, what big ears you have."  
Remus: "I'm not doing this again, it was funny for maybe the first thousand months, but you're not going to get me to do it again."  
James: "OK, but Remus, what a big cold nose you have!"  
Remus: humming, "I'm not listening. I'm not listening."  
James: Loudly, over him, "REMUS, WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE!!!"  
Remus: "Fine! The better to eat you with, my dear. Happy now? Go away before I eat you and your spawn."  
James: "Sounds like someone's got PMS..."

"Really bad Fanfic is like watching a train wreck...you want to stop looking, but you just can't."  
  
"Then he approckhadeedodah the attackments."   
-Hilly and Jess up WAY too late with fanfic.

The rest are all Hillary and Jess quotes unless stated otherwise…

"There were many things that were unusual about Harry- man that kid is such a freak!"  
  
"Peter was walking down the hall when a random piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and hit him on the head, rendering him unconscious for the rest of the fic."

"Why are you laughing?"

"It's inexplicable."

"Really?" 

"No…Alright…I was thinking of Peter dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood."

"And then Sirius should do something really creepy…"

Random man puts his face between our heads and makes random creepy face.

 in unison

"Like that…"

"Have a magical day, princess."

Fat guard at entrance who thinks that he is an opera singer

Just because it's all over there's no reason you shouldn't review! :)


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